My goofy layout (the header that I butchered by shrinking and shit) is under construction by my dear cousin kelley so …bare with me!

me:yeah im getting locks.
wes: its nothing but putting chemicals in ur hair.
me: uhh..im not putting chemicals in your hair.
me: just a comb and wax.
wes:u gatta go bob marley styl
wes: not brush ur hair for a few months
me: more like about a year lmao. (here he goes…)
wes: my hair is too sexy to be messing around with
wes: do  u know what my hair looks like?
me: no.
wes: would u like to?
me:sure
(he then posts this hilarious pic..a display pic of course since for some reason he never seems to have the actual picture, he just has a multitude of little display pictures, for those that dont know how MSN works, every display pic you have, it saves. even if you delete that picture from your computer it saves a thumbnail. anyway his hairs all poofy and totally girly looking..the pics looks NOTHING from how I remember him looking)
wes:my hair is what brings out my good looks.
wes: my hair is now too sexy
wes: nice and smooth
wes: like my skin
wes: viks (his girlfriend that looks different in every display pic, and they have no pictures together) hair is the sexiest youll ever see.
me: did she do something cool to it, a neat cut or is it just like typical cut?
wes: she suites each style
(he then posts two different display pics of two girls who look totally different.)
me: she needs some volumizing shampoo, but her hair is pretty, i lovveee straight hair (paying “vik” a compliment, the girl in the pics hair was pretty)
wes:  dude, it looks different everyday.
me:still no pics of you guys together?
wes: i dont like pics
wes: vik takes them for her family
me: thats sweet. moms always like pictures
wes: well not thatits any of ur business
wes: but they are usually not for her mom (wtf? i dont give a FUCK who theyre for. im just trying to be nice you little shit packer.)
me: oh crap a turd from my cats butt just fell on my carpet (it really did.)
wes: and what makes you think I care to read that?
me: why are you an elitest..i mean, youre not. but, why do you try and project the idea that you are?
wes: wtf are you talking about?
me: are you acting like you dont know what an elitest is or are you acting like you dont realize that you try to act like one?
me: everytime i talk to you..you cant try to have a normal conversation youre always talking about how great you are and how great “vik” is who I am inclined to believe doesnt exist the way you want me to believe she does. when i talked about my house you were like “oh, i have an apartment, probably better than yours, everything in canada is nicer” then proceeded to tell me i have a shitty living room but….wheres yours?
wes: well u can think what u want to think.
me: damn straight I can. To make a long story short, you annoy me. Dont IM me anymore.
(this is the best part)
wes: usually u get into a conversation with me
-LMFAOOOO I NEVER IM him..EVER…he ALWAYS IMs me. This particular time he IMed me saying “nice skalp” (yeah..skalp) in regards to my display picture of me getting my hair done.

This kid has basically lied about everything in his life since I started talking to him a few years ago..back then..they are blatant OBVIOUS lies like about how he was a heroin addict, and he used to claim girls were his girlfriends who really..werent.  He would take pictures from girls Nexus accounts (the canadian version of myspace, basically) and show them to me saying they were his gf..I would go back and check with Sarah and shed just crack balls at everything he was making up..

So I am almost inclined to believe, based on his past, that hes totally bullshitting about living with a chick and everything. Hes always tried to make his life rival the lives of whoever hes talking to at the moment, he tries to convince them that his life is better. I think hes talked to me and everytime we talk I tell stories about Soda, and blah blah, how we are watching tv and just doing menial bullshit..
I think hes creating his story to rival mine. Which is totally weird.

Dreadlocking your hair is a much more arduous process than I thought. But very fun! Everytime I look in the mirror seeing my head change from a normal head of hair into head full of locks..its fun and rewarding. Im about a quarter done, because we havent been working on them for as long as we should, but I figure ill be done probably today or tomorrow..and I cannot waiiittttt. Im excited about peoples comments, even if theyre negative, im sure all of the West Nasties arent going to understand why id do something like this to my hair, but thats ok, because I wonder why they are retards by choice..I wonder this everyday. Anyhow, im gonna eat and then get back to it.

At first I was bummed because my check didnt come today…

But then, my Supa Dupa Dread Kit from DreadheadHq came!! WOOHOO!!!!

Ill be providing before and after pics.

Umm. Its been a few days but, thats cool I started a little goofy video blog on youtube, so far its pretty boring because nothing funny or interesting has went on so that I can record it or whatever, but its fun! I like it.

My aunt went into the hospital the other day, I cant remember if I wrote about it or not..I know after I visited her in the hospital I contemplated writing about it, but I didnt really know if I felt like it was the time.

Some time ago, my aunt (my mothers sister) was diagnosed with something called Myleodysplastic Syndrome.  Its basically a lot like prelukemia and was referred to as prelukemia until recently, its like ineffective production of bloodcells. You never have enough white blood cells, you never have enough red  bloodcells and you never have enough platelets. So basically you have to go to the hospital like three or four times a week and receive blood transfusions but they do not sustain your life because eventually even those will stop working, as a matter of fact, for the last year of her life she was basically living with absolutely no white blood cells and no immune system, so ANY cold, any cut, anything was life threatening.
So, after two or three years of blood transfusions and experimental medication, her white and red blood cell counts werent maintaining, they medications and transfusions stopped working so they put her on a donor list for a bone marrow transplant and they said they didnt see her getting a donor within the next two months, so they put her on a donor list for a cord blood transplant (see: cord blood) and they found a donor pretty quickly!

She went to the hospital the other day to start her chemotherapy, everything went fine and she didnt start getting sick until the last day of her chemo, which is good. Friday at 2pm she had her transplant and even though shes not really doing GREAT or in the best of spirits, she is exactly what is expected of someone who just went through that transplant. Basically she acted normal, just how doctors expected and just because she was is sick we shouldnt be alarmed because thats normal right now. At least thats kind of good to hear. Mom said she couldnt get up out of bed or anything and was throwing up, etc. Im not comfortable at all with seeing her in the hospital, im not comfortable with her being sick. It has really made me very very sad and upset. I know that good people getting horrible diseases like this, its just natural selection and there are many many good people who dont deserve something like this happening to them and this is just the way the world works, however, I find myself analyzing this more and more everyday and it is a really hard thing to understand.
You know how difficult events that you go through in  your life seem so surreal at the beginning and halfway through the hard time when things could possibly get worse it just hits you and realize the severity of the situation? Well I think im really beginning to understand now that there is a real possibility that she could die. Survival rate is 35 percent. That means that she has a 35 percent chance of living. The rest of that is her chance of dying.
Everyone dies. Birth is a lifelong terminal illness that everyone succumbs to so I cant quite understand why things like this are so hard for me, and other people to accept, but it is very hard.
Everything in me wants her to beat this and break this pattern of all the good people in my family passing away before they had the opportunity to fully live their lives and experience everything that live and living and old age has to offer. I can only hope and pray with all of my soul that this is just a learning experience for her and that she will overcome it with a brand new perspective on life that would impact her and her family for the better.

It is sort of a family epidemic to die young and I would really like to see it reversed because we are all SO FUCKING AWESOME WE DESERVE TO BE AROUND FOREVER!!!

I am still very optimistic and I feel with my heart that shes going to be ok and hope that she will be ok. Everyone else who reads this..hope with me!!!

So  basically this week I have worked and stayed with my cousin over his house. My cousin (her son) is 16 years old and hes never been alone in his house before (please dont question me about this, its much too complicated for me to explain and for most to understand) so I have been going over to his house and hanging out with him, and visiting my aunt in the hospital. Children under 17 are not allowed to stay in the rooms on this particular floor of the hospital so he hasnt seen her since she left for the hospital and wont see her for another few weeks if things turn out positive. I imagine its very painful for him so ive been hanging out with him keeping his mind off of things. I actually hung out with him for about 5 hours today and hes a cool ass kid. Very smart, and very articulate. Hes fun to talk to and I really enjoyed spending time with me.

Thats about it..im going to eat my bagel now and finish watching howard stern. Ill keep everyone updated!!!

Ok. I sort of got my sleeping back on schedule. I stayed up all night the night before last and went to bed at like 7PM last night..now im up at 5AM. Ah!!!

Anyways..im so excited..
Yesterday my best friend Kelley and I saw these cool bikes at a yard sale. We passed them up because we were going to do something? Which..I cant remember why we passed the bikes the first time..OH YEAH..we were going to visit our cousin since he was home alone. Anyways, on our way from our cousins house we decided to stop by and check out the bikes to see how much they were. You dont understand these bikes..they are so cool.
Good news..they were TWENTY BUCKS a peice. So she bought one and I bought one. Heres a pic of my new bike:

I decided that the bike is going to be my new project. I really need a hobby and I think fixing up the bike would be a good one.

The Bike is called “Grand Trophy.” Im guessing thats the brand name. Id never heard of this brand name and I thought it sounded kinda weird..then I thought about WHO we bought the bikes from.
We bought them from a VERY obviously Eastern European couple who were selling their house and most things in it. Our neighborhood is no stranger to Eastern European people, we have a lot of Bosnians and Serbians who came over here from the war. For some reason, the city I live in was on a list of destinations for refugees from the whole Kosovo thing, the apartment complex my mom lives in used to be made up of a lot of Serbians and Bosnians and I sort of grew up with them.

Anyway..I was talking to my boyfriend and I was like..Oh Shit! I bet these bikes are FROM the country the people were from, I bet they were like the bikes people ride around in East European countries. So I looked up the brand name…”Grand Trophy..” and I didnt find anything. Then I looked up “East European bicycles.” I found a BUNCH of bikes that look realllyy similar to the one I bought. I found out that it is an Eastern European Commuter Bike. Kickass!!! That makes it even more cool!
I decided im gonna try to fix it up a bunch. You know, just do some inexpensive things to it like give it a paint job…probably something like cherry red, or a royal blue. Buy some cool reflectors, probably a new set of handlebars..DEFINITELY a new seat..maybe a banana seat or something, definitely a basket thing in the front, and a rack on the back (like traditional east euro commuter bikes..). This is cool.

Well, since im up im gonna go around to some cycling forums..post my pics and see what everyone thinks.

EDIT:

Ok. I was sort of totally wrong about the bike. But, what the bike really is is a lot better.
Its a vintage Western Flyer from the 30s, 40s, or 50s.  Absolutely BEAUTIFUL bikes. They can be restored to their original glory, or they can be made into the “lowrider” style bikes. My boyfriend wants to make it into a lowrider style bike..I want to restore it to its original glory..
Now I want another one so me and my boyfriend can restore ours together. Ive searched everywhere on the internet looking for a bike, or even the FRAME for a price thats affordable and I was able to find something for about 150 bucks..im probably gonna end up buying that one….I think it would be a great product. I wish the yard sale woulda had three!!!!

Ive always been really against self centered narcissism. I wrote an entry very similar to this one, even though I cant remember what its called. It was about the image of American women and the effect it has on young American women.

Ive heard so many PRETTY girls say things like…
“Oh, if I had the money, id get my nose done, my boobs lifted, tummy tucked, facelift, a little botox…” yadda yadda yadda.
All the while im sitting here thinking, are you fucking kidding me? Youve gotta be fucking kidding me. Why? Why would someone do something like this to themselves when they look perfectly fine? I remain completely convinced that its got NOTHING to do with how they look and EVERYTHING to do with how they think they are “supposed” to look based upon what society and America thinks is “attractive.” Which is generally some skinny, bleach blonde bimbo who doesnt know the difference between left and right.

However, I sort of understand where theyre coming from now (not the bimbos, the perfectly fine women who want to slice their bodies up like pumpkin pie so that they can LOOK like the bimbos.)
A lot of people would say that I am pretty. Im 5′5, 120LBS and generally..pretty decent looking I guess. So, I was watching Howard TV and there was a girl on there who Howard discovered and he thought shed be great in Playboy so he called Playboy, had them take a few pictures of her, and she ended up as the centerfold. Now, Howard and everyone in the studio was totally GUSHING about how pretty this chick was. She looked like fucking..Jessica Simpson. Typical blonde girl who wears high heels, a lot of makeup, and too much lip gloss. Regardless of all this, I kept finding myself thinking “Man, I wanna be pretty and girly like that. I want to be able to walk around in high heels, have perfectly smooth tanned skin, bright white teeth, smelling good, etc.” Now, I dont know WHY I kept thinking this because..im totally decent looking. My boyfriend was appalled at what I ws saying and couldnt understand why I kept saying “I wanna be pretty like THAT!”
But, its a very hard thing to ignore. When you see women who look like typical porno bitches getting a lot of attention and getting praised..you want to feel pretty like that too. Even if you are already pretty and individual.

I am still not condoning this mindset. I still think its idiotic to want to get plastic surgery, and its stupid to be anorexic (might get blasted for that one). Basically, I think its ridiculous to try and permanently change yourself just to look how you think other people want you to look. Everyone should be happy with themselves. Difference is beauty. I do understand this mentality a little better though. Id never go as far as wanting to go under the knife to change myself, but I did feel, for a split second, like I wanted to buy a pair of heels. When you see certain girls getting a lot of attention, you sort of wonder why you dont get that same attention. I guess thats where me and a lot of other girls begin to differ. Once that initial thought in my mind passes, I stop giving a fuck. But, there are a lot of girls who never stop giving a fuck and take it really seriously and they end up looking like Tabitha Stevens.

Its a really sad thing though. That societys image of what is sexy and beautiful has become so, limited. So, so completely limited, that a GREAT majority of girls (and guys now) are walking around looking and acting like clones of each other. Gawd. There are no classic beauties anymore. Everyone fits a certain image. Very few people stray out of that image and that image is really infecting the brains of soo many young girls who just cant get past feeling like they arent good enough because they dont look like the girls on TV.

Anyway. Its like..8:30AM and I havent been to bed yet. Ive got a horrible migraine and its just..torturing me. Ive taken 4 ibproufen and..theyre not freaking working. So, I watched some Howard TV, thought a little, and decided to write this entry. Pardon me if it doesnt make sense..my head hurts and im pretty tired. Its almost pointless to go to sleep now though..ill never get up. Or I could REALLY REALLY discipline myself to just take a nap and get up no matter how tired I am.

I think ill try that…again.

Ok..quick edit.. I do want to comment on the Imus phenomenon. Im so sick of hearing about it..but..I gotta write about it.

For those of you who dont know (if any of these people exist)…
Imus is a radio talk show host. His show is simulcast on MSNBC in the mornings. Recently, he made a comment about a womens basketball team that is a primarily black team. I think there were two white chicks on the team. He basically called the team “Nappy Headed Hoes.” A lot of people thought this was very racist, and of course, Al Sharpton got upset. Imus proceeded to go onto Al Sharptons talk show and apologize. When his apology was not well received, Imus said “Wow, I just cant get anywhere with you people.” Which proceeded to piss MORE people off. Imus was suspended from CBS radio for two weeks and MSNBC CANCELED the TV simulcast.
Initially, I thought this was totally insane. I heard someone on TV say “Imus gets fired for saying nappy headed hoes, and ludacris wins a grammy for it.” And I totally agreed with this. I saw NOTHING racist about what he said and I thought the whole ordeal was STUPID.
However, tonight while watching Howard TV, Howard was talking about how he used to work with Imus at WNBC (I think). He said Imus was horrible to him when he first started, and then when he started to go up in the ratings, Imus started to kiss his ass. Howard said that on one occasion, Imus went up to the black secretary whos name was Brenda, and he called her a nigger. Howard doesnt like Imus, so, if Howard was the lying type, it would make sense that hed like to spread that kind of rumor, however, I dont think Howard is the lying type (lol) and Robin also knew about this and I really dont think Robin would back up some bullshit story. So now, I kind of changed my tune.
Apparently Imus was confronted about this multiple times, one time being on Larry King Live, and Imus didnt even deny it. So, im glad MSNBC fired him, I hope he gets fired from CBS radio, hes a stupid racist fuck. We dont have room for people like him in this world.

BUT…heres the but..
If he had just ONLY ever said “nappy headed hoes” I would stand by my original feelings and say I dont think it was racist and I dont think he should be fired, etc.
I will post here what I posted on a forum I go to…I typed this before I knew about Imus’s “you people” and “nigger” comments. But, these are my general feelings on racism and race.

Im back on a really crappy sleeping schedule. Ive been sleeping until like, 5PM. That makes it super hard to get my work done, and it makes for a very boring night. My ideal schedule is like..going to bed around two or three and waking up around 12PM. Its 7PM now and I just woke up about two hours ago..see, when this starts happening I begin to neglect housework, etc. I hate it. So..im going to try to go back to sleep and sleep as long as possible, then when I wake up..ill just stay up until tomorrow night. Oh yeah, ive got it all figured out.

Well..I guess thats it. I live a really interesting life.

Just a small rant.

Why do people have to be haters? Like, I seriously never really put much stock into the word “hater” before, I guess because I didnt personally know anyone who I could have considered to be a hater, but now I realize how to identify one.

Theres this guy online that I talk to named Wes. I don’t personally know this guy, but my best online friend (whom ive known for about 5 years or something like that, maybe even six) Sarah told me to send him a message and fuck with him a long time ago because hes so easy to fuck with. And anyone who knows me knows I love a good opportunity to fuck with someone, lol, so I took her up on the offer. Sure enough, within like 2 minutes of talking to this guy, he was threatening to beat me up and telling me how he would just kick my ass. Keep in mind, I live in Tennessee, this guy lives in Canada. I was cracking up, it was HIGHLARIOUS wahahaha. I mean he was seriously one of the most easily angered people id ever come across in my life. I think hes a little bit younger than me. Hes an obviously, very impressionable person who I later learned lied about whatever he could possibly lie about.

The best thing I ever remember him doing…
Once he made his MSN display name “I have a confession, I am a heroin addict.”
Its painfully obvious how much attention this kid needed and I was never really mean to him, other than occasionally calling him out on something he would obviously be lying about. It was really apparent that he needed to seem “tough” and “manly” and that he was in desperate need to be in control of something so he attempted to control his reality by sort of, creating a false reality around him and living it out via the internet. I have kept talking to him all this time and I always try my best to be nice to him, despite the fact that hes a COMPLETE HATER.
Not too terribly long ago he started all this mess about how hes “Russian” or some bullshit. We started talking about my friend Sarah (who knew him in real life and STILL loves to hear me tell stories about the conversations that Wes and I have because she got to witness his antics firsthand) and he mentioned that he had ESL class with Sarah. Then he started talking about her accent. Ok, a little background info is…Sarah is Persian. Her family is from Iran and she was born in Iran, however, she was Raised in Canada and there is NOTHING about her that is “fob” or immigrant like in ANY way. Ive talked on the phone to Sarah shit tons of times over the period weve known each other and she doesnt have an accent AT ALL (other than a Canadian one). And she sure as FUCK would never have had to take an ESL (English as a second language) class.
Apparently ol Wes didnt know that she and I talk on the phone, so he started to tell me about how she doesnt speak English well and how they had an ESL class together. I was fucking CRACKING UP. I was like dude…I talk to her on the phone…shes never been in an ESL class and she doesnt have an accent…at all. So he totally tried to back track and make up for his obvious lie he just told, once again.

She used to tell me stories about how he tried soooo hard to be cool and be a part of the “cool kids” but everyone just pretty much made fun of him behind his back.

So, now his story is that hes living in Toronto, in an apartment with his girlfriend…I mean..fiance (lol). He has no pictures of them together, ive seen like 5 pictures of her and they all look like different people, he has no pictures of the place they live or anything. Its hilarious. Im not saying that hes lying about this, but judging by the lies hes told in the past it wouldnt surprise me ONE BIT if hes pulling all of this shit out of his ass. He will send me instant messages talking about how “Vikki” (his russian fiance, remember these kids are like 18) is sitting on his lap and all this shit and how theyre SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO drunk (and his typing is totally fine). Its like dude, if I was drunk and sitting in my boyfriends lap, we would probably be fucking. I wouldnt be sitting on the computer telling someone that im drunk and sitting on my boyfriends lap, lol.

Anyways, to make a long story even longer, hes one of those people who, for some reason or another, feels the need to convince himself and others around him that hes SO much better than they are.
He has to “one up” or outdo everyone. Anything I type to him, you can guarantee that hes done it before, and hes done it better. You know, one of those types. The kind of people who have been extremely neglected in life so they make up things to make themselves sound more interesting and theyve done it SO MUCH throughout life that they ultimately convince themselves that they are better than everyone else when in reality, they arent at all.

So last night…I happened to ask him if he had any pictures of him and Vikki, his fiance from Russia (I forgot to add that theyre getting married soon too). He said yeah and he changed his display picture to an extremely small picture of some people on a beach..as a matter of fact..heres a screen shot of his IM that I just took..and the display picture.

He says that Vikki is the girl and hes the one on the right or something.
So im like yeah dude thats cool and all but..can you send me the original version so I can see it? Thats kinda small. He then tells me that he doesn’t have the bigger version and that thats the only picture of him and his Russian Fiance that he has. Hm.
At the time, I was adding pictures to my flickr account and I sent him the URL to a picture of my living room when I just moved in..and his response was…
“Wow, thats a shitty living room. No offense.”
My response was..
“Yeah I know. I bet yours is so much cooler.”
He then says..
“Well, remember that in Canada things are a lot nicer.”

I really dont have a point to this entry. Other than stating how much I CANT STAND people who arent SHIT but think theyre better than everyone else. You know, its one thing if you have accomplished a lot in your life and youre like, oh, THE DALAI LAMA. Then you could probably have room to brag..but The Dalai Lama wouldnt brag.

In the words of Patrick from Spongebob…”Its funny when people are so blissfully unaware of how dumb they really are..”

No one on this earth is better than any other human being. Regardless of your possessions. No one on this earth is better than any other human being. Regardless of your job. Regardless of the money you make, the clothes you wear, the car you drive. We are all still human beings who are an imperfect, struggling species and we are all in this together. Keep that in mind. No one will ever be better than I am, and I will never be better than anyone else is. Someone on the cover of fortune 500 is no better than the homeless guys who sleep on park benches at night because truely, in the end, possessions mean nothing and spirit means everything. Someone whos life is so miserable that they come online (or into work or ANYTHING, we all have encountered these sorts of people) and talk about how great their life is, and how everything they have is better than yours..probably have a lot of work to do on their spirit. Their spirit is probably crushed and thats why they have to come online and make up things to make themselves sound like halfway decent people, that is how they make themselves feel like better people. Those who try and make themselves feel better at anothers expense are the saddest of beings, because they are the ones that are empty inside and just dont know how to fulfill themselves.
This entry is not about Wes inparticular, hes just a great example of the type of people I am talking about. I know a few of these types of people in real life also, im sure everyone knows them.
The best you can do for these types of people is oblige them to their face, and pray for them behind their back. I hope that Wes just acts this way because hes young and has yet to really figure out how the world works…and not because he has a broken spirit that he doesnt know what to do with.

I will leave you with a few pictures I just took!