My boyfriend hates 311. But for me, I guess, 311 is like Green Day is to my cousin Kelley, its the bands we “grew up” with. The bands that were there for us through all of the teenage bullshit, from the time we were little, until know, the bands are awesome enough to still be around, and weve all kinda grown together.

I was jamming to 311 in the car and I had this memory of a very, very bad Christmas with me, involving my dad. And now that I look back on life, it seems like every Christmas ive had with him around has been bad. I dont know how old I was, maybe 10 or 11 and for Christmas that year my mom got me all of the 311 CDs, and a portable CD player to take down to Florida with me when I went to see my dad, for Christmas. Well, that same year my dad got me a video camera for Christmas, which was so fucking cool. That Christmas, my dad wasnt around much. He was hanging with his girlfriend, Kay. Ill never forget her. She was quite a bit older than him and probably a dope addict just like he is/was. Well, my grandparents had a pop up camper, and during that vacation I would spend many nights in that camper because my dad was off spending time with his girlfriend so I was left by myself, and I liked staying in the camper.

There was a tape, that I video taped, of myself in the camper. This is kinda hard to explain, but the view of the camera was my view, what I was seeing, and all you could see was my cd player sitting on the bed, with a blue 311 sticker on it, and all you could hear was me singing 311 songs from the “blue” album, back, to back, to back. Over, and over, and over again. That was the same year that my dad forgot about me on Christmas. He went to his girlfriend Kays house that morning and I guess he got fucked up, nodded out, and just…forgot about me. It rained that Christmas. That day, for Christmas dinner I ran down the street to my grandmothers house and ate dinner with them. Midway through dinner I started crying and I said something like “Why does he always do this?” And my grandparents completely ignored it. Just like I wasnt there, so I got up and ran back to my dads house (trailor) and cleaned the whole house waiting for him to get there. I had just finished mopping the floor when it was dusty dark on Christmas day, I sat down in a chair in the living room, and then I thought I heard his truck pull in so I hauled ass through the wet kitchen, slipped on the floor, and busted my head open. I got up real quick, kinda blacking out and dizzy, ran to the window to see if it was my dad..and it wasnt.

I dont remember what time he came in that night, im sure I was sleeping. I think that was the Christmas that started all my back luck Andy Christmas’s. Maybe ill go into detail about the other ones later.

But for now, I have another memory to share.

Earlier today, for no good reason, I decided to eat two Kleenex’s. Like, not EAT them, but just put them in my mouth, chew them, then spit them out. Totally gross, right? Lol. Shove it, we all do weird shit.
Anyway..it made me remember something…

There is this movie called “The Mask” its not the Jim Carrey one, its a different one with Cher and its the story of a guy called Rocky Dennis who had a very rare cranial disease that caused your head to be huge and really disfigured and just..I dunno, really weird. Look up Rocky Dennis and you might find a pic. His skull like, was disfigured and grew constantly till it just crushed his brain and killed him or something.
Well, I used to LOVE to eat paper towels when I was little. Id eat them alll the time. I also used to watch that movie all the time.
The last time I ate a paper towel happened one afternoon as I was shoving a paper towel in my mouth and walking past my grandmothers side porch, just after watching that movie. My mom was standing out there watching me and I said “Momma, why was that guys head like that?” and she said…

Because he ate too many paper towels.

I believed it, and until earlier I hadnt eaten a paper towel since that moment.

I <3 My Mom.