Everyone who reads my blog…

Please, educate yourself on whats going on in Myanmar (Burma) right now. Buddhist Monks in Burma are protesting against 45 years of military rule in a non violent mass movement. Police and soldiers in Burma have retaliated violently against these monks, using force and weapons, cutting off internet lines and barricading the monks into temples so that they could stage no more protests.

In Thursday’s storming of the Ngwekyaryan monastery in South Okkalapa, security forces smashed windows and left behind bloodstained floors that appeared to indicate the monks were beaten during the night-time raid.

The least that we could do is educate ourselves on the situation and keep these protesters in our thoughts and in our prayers..if you pray.

*Om Mani Padme Hum*
This is the slideshow I made. Please post it in your blog. Freedom For Burma.

This breaks my heart.

I know I havent been posting much…ive run into another writers block..BLEH.

But, I just wanted to let everyone know that I JUST BOUGHT 15 VIRTUAL PETS ON EBAY FOR 2O BUCKS!!! Yes!!!! I am SO excited. When I get them, ill be sure to take pictures.

A dear friend said this to me tonight…

Cadence: I want to say something…
Me: Ok.
Cadence: If there is one thing I can always count on to make me happy, feel secure and feel better, it’s continuity. The idea that you are always Leslie warms my heart.

=)

I wrote about my panic attack when it happened..I guess it was a little over a month ago now. The doctor once again put me on medications that I dont necessarily want to be on. I am very much against SSRI’s (anti depressants) and I refuse to take them. They also gave me Benzos which are miracle cures for anxiety but I also do not want to be reliant on a narcotic, even in situations where I am having a panic attack and I need it to STOP.

So, tonight a friend of mine and I were talking about natural medicines, she told me that shes going to start taking something for depression or whatever and it got me to wondering if there are any natural medications for anxiety. Now, I knew of Valerian root and how it was compared to Valium. I have taken Valerian root before but its been so long I cant remember the effects. After some studying, ive decided to pick some up tomorrow and start taking it daily to see if it aids my anxiety. Hopefully it will. Ive got a lot of hope for natural remedies, I think they are the way to go.

Ill be tracking my progress.

Ive been thinking a lot lately about the current state of the world..and in particular..the state of religion…Islam..to be exact. I dont know whats going on, I feel like all this is new..but its been going on since the inception, so I am left to believe that this is something very old and what is happening now has evolved, like everything else, from primitivity.

The state of our world is in complete shambles. You want someone to blame. As humans, we need someone to blame. I think that most people blame Islam..and thats..just not intelligent.

Religion is and always has been, above all else, a psychological weapon. Since the beginning of mankind, religion has been used as a means of power and control. Fear and longing for a non existent afterlife has governed peoples actions, or their non action, since the beginning of our species.
It doesnt take a genius to look at history and see what great events religion has brought forth upon mankind. The Crusades. The Inquisition. Waco. Jonestown.  In all of those occurances there is one common theme. Religion being used to control and manipulate mankind. Thats why religion was “created.” A way to manipulate the masses. There is another common theme among religion and that is the belief in the God-Man Mythology. The belief a human being actually physically existed on this Earth with powers inhuman and was more God than human. A hero. A typical Hollywood, fantasy hero.

Christians are a prime example. They rely on the belief in Jesus. The belief in a man who stood for everything good about humanity, but sadly, did not physically exist. There is no contemporary evidence supporting his existence, and everything logically points to no. And yet, millions of people believe on his FACTUAL existence when his FACTUAL existence really has little to do with the religion, he is a myth and what Christianity is based on is based on the idea and the harmony that his myth represents, yet so many Christians are so militant about his physical, historical existence that that is the only aspect of his myth that they focus on. Do you know why?
Because people in power rely on this physical existence to continue to propagate the myth that controls the masses. As long as he “existed” the people have something to believe in. God Man Mythology keeps people in line because they have a hero.

In the case of Islam..there is no God Man. Muhammad knew exactly what he was doing when he created Islam. He effectively tweaked mans greatest psychological weapon: Religion. He altered it to not only be the perfect way to control the masses, but the perfect way to build an endless army. Islam, just like Christianity, is the perfect way to control. Religion especially appeals to the common people. So, in todays general Middle Eastern society where there is NO middle class you are either rich or poor…religion is the perfect escape. Muslim extremists rely on the belief in an afterlife of contentment and happiness, and that governs their violent actions. Martyrdom = heaven. Heaven = freedom from poverty, freedom from political strife. Freedom. Freedom from the one thing that has kept them from being free. The greatest political weapon..their own religion. The religion they were born into and brainwashed into. A story so familiar in some Middle Eastern countries where the only form of education is Madrasah, an Islamic school where children learn to recite the full Quran from cover to cover. The only way to escape is through death.

So who is to blame but humanity? We created the seemingly perfect way to control our fellow man. The greatest psychological weapon and now…

It is backfiring.

(Jesus Christmas.)

I wonder how God could have created such a beautiful man. Just to tease us ladies because we know we will never have a chance with him..in the meantime..

Johnny is giving it hard to this…very below average looking woman from the behind.

by the way im hotlinking those pictures so..they may not be here tomorrow.

I was walking around downtown today when I came across this:

Youll have to check out my Flickr for the bigger images, big enough to read what they say. But, the basics are…dont give money to homeless people because they use the money to buy drugs. Then, on the back, it talks about how to avoid homeless people. “Walk with certainty” and “make eye contact” as if these guys are hardcore thuggin ass dudes lmfao. THEYRE FUCKING HOMELESS.

Ive worked downtown for two years now.  A lot of times, I walk around by myself and I encounter a lot of homeless people and yes, homeless men. I have NEVER felt violated or threatened by a homeless person. Ever.
The pamphlet says not to give them money because they may use the money for drugs and alcohol.

REALLY? NO FUCKING SHIT.

Ive never believed for one minute that if I gave a homeless dude 5 dollars he wasnt gonna go out and either get crack, dope or liquor.

Im so pissed off at this pamphlet I could scream. Who the fuck is gonna try to tell me not to give my money to homeless dudes? Who the fuck is gonna tell me what I should and should not do with my money? Last time I checked I didnt have a financial adviser and  my adviser sure as hell isnt going to be some colorful cardboard piece of paper.

I wonder if it ever occurred to them that these homeless people LIKE doing drugs and getting drunk? That it makes them FEEL GOOD. It makes them happy. If I can contribute 50 cents to another mans happiness, im gonna do it, god damnit. It doesnt matter what hes going to buy with it. Im not going to act as if I dont have my own vices and when I see another man stuck in the struggle just trying to survive that im gonna treat him like something lower than me, someone inferior as if one human being can be superior than another when we are all here by force and not by choice and are just trying to make it in this fucking world. Because some big man in a three piece suit, some corporate fuck doesnt care about his fellow man that  he sees sleeping on a bus stop bench every morning on his way to work, and when that man approaches him he locks his car doors and rolls up his windows and ACTS LIKE HE DOESNT EXIST. He DOES exist and he is a HUMAN. Just like I am. Just like you are.

Im not saying you have to give money to the homeless. Im not saying you have to do anything. But dont tell me I shouldnt give what I want to give, to whom I want to give. And, that I should donate money to some homeless shelter thats gonna cut the donation and give half of it to some fucking corporation that wants to pretend these people dont exist. No. Fuck that.

So, fuck you “Nashville Downtown Partnership” im going to keep talking to the homeless, im going to keep empowering them, and if I feel like giving the change I got from my 10 dollar Starbucks Frappafuckingrippoff (I dont get Starbucks. That was complete sarcasm) then im going to do it. So fuck you.

The other night my boyfriend and a few friends were walking around downtown and he ran into a guy that he hadnt seen in about five years.

When I held out my hand as he introduced me to to his friend he said….
“This is the love of my life..Leslie.”

And his friend said ”So, I see you fell in love too.”
Then Soda replied…”I really did.” And kissed me on the forehead.

I felt like a queen at that moment.

So, I woke up this morning to a knock on the door. I was excited..naturally because im expecting a DVD in the mail!

The first thing I thought was..”Hell yes!!! My Crackheads Gone Wild DVD has arrived!”
I ran to the door eager to grab up my DVD and watch it.
To my unpleasant surprise I see two boys wearing black pants, white shirts and black backpacks walking merrily along their way and at my feet lies a Jehovahs Witness monthly magazine.

God Damnit.

Yesterday was quite a day for me, but im not not as much of a day as it was for Kelley. Im not going to go into the long drawn out and completely interpersonal details of the story..but I will give an extremely summarized version.

My cousin had a room mate who, at one point, was a very close friend of hers. Within about..two months of this chick living with her it was so insanely obvious how selfish this girl was. Her name is Kristen. She turned even the smallest things around to somehow involve her as the central victim. Everything was about her. So, yesterday..(this is hilarious..this shows just how stupid this girl is) Kelley rearranged her friends on Myspace and put her best friend in the number two spot (where Kristen McFilthywhore once was). Now…for the average human being…this wouldnt have mattered, they wouldnt have thought twice about it. People rearrange friends on Myspace everyday and, maybe im just totally in the dark and way behind but I didnt know that people took Myspace so seriously..so..yeah..Kristen flies into a fit of bipolar rage and leaves some nasty IM to Kelley. Thats when the drama starts..drama that includes some information I dont really feel like I should be posting here..but it ended with Kristen calling Kelley and attempting to bitch her out…which Kelley laughed off. Kristens phone hung up..and Kristen calls back and decides to say the most disgusting, ill thought, cold hearted, disrespectful and over the top thing that anyone could possibly say to someone else. Grant it, there were a lot of details that I left out of the story…why did I leave them out, you ask? Well, for the simple fact that none of them matter. None of the issues I left out of this story are issues that would precipitate the comment this bitch made to my cousin. None of the details are serious. My cousin, IN NO WAY did anything to deserve what was said to her.

The reason that Kristen decided to confirm the fact that she is, infact, a bottom feeder and make this comment to my cousin is because..once again, something happened that didnt involve her in any way and with her twisted psychopathic logic found a way to turn it around and be the central victim and make it totally about her.

Anyhow, this girl is completely classless. She continued to text my cousin threatening messages, and left a threatening message on her blog (which Kelley has since deleted..). She sent her texts calling her a pussy and in the message on her blog I believe she said something along the lines of “…Im just going to stay in my room because if I dont im liable to end up in jail.” Well, You know I had to have my say. And boy, did I say it.

The problem is..
Kristen is the type of person who doesnt want any REAL life drama. She wants to keep her drama confined to the internet and the telephone because if she was confronted with any drama in her face, shed flake out and probably cut her wrists in the bathtub or something lame like that. So, the “big tough girl” that she is decided to tell me that she “bets I wouldnt say anything to her face.’

So, Kristen..heres my open letter to you.

..Im not sure you. knew who you were talking to. I have no problem saying anything to anyones face, I have no problem with HITTING anyone in the face. So, Kristen..when you read this (and I know you will you nosy little bitch)..if the offer still stands..let me know because ill be MORE than happy to take you up on your offer. I know you know that I kicked two bitches asses at The 5 Spot for fucking with my cousin, I know you probably know I whooped a 40 year olds ass at Las Palmas for speaking out of line to my mother, im pretty sure youre well aware of my arrest record for assault w/a weapon, and im DAMN sure you know what happened a few weekends ago when my boyfriend hauled me out of a party for coming within 2 centimeters of kicking some whores ass for getting an attitude with my cousin.
So, let it be known that I have NO qualms with physical confrontation especially when dealing with my family members and in particular, my cousin who is also my very best friend and im not sure if you know this..because you are in fact, friendless…friends have each others backs. What I said to you had nothing to do with “Kelley not being able to defend herself.” She can defend herself just fine, but what I said to you has nothing to do with you offending Kelley…and EVERYTHING to do with you offending me. She is my family, her family is my family. When you say something to her, you effectively say it to me too and you have to be prepared to deal with the consequences of both. You have no room to talk about parents. Absolutely none. When your own mother has been married 5 times and cant seem to make a relationship work and has her ugly ass plastered half naked on her Myspace page (yeah, your mom is, what…60? Shes not only got a MYSPACE, but she has pictures of herself with a low cut shirt, unbuttoned pants, and a camel toe the size of Florida), youre really one to talk about not being raised and taught class or manners. Your life is mirroring your moms in comical ways. Not too long ago you had yourself plastered all over Myspace in slutty clothing that I guess you confused for sexy…and you cant even make your own relationship work. You had the nerve to say my cousin had no backbone and that she was weak and yet you have admitted that the only reason youre staying with your boyfriend is because you are afraid to be alone. That is the very epitome of the pot calling the kettle black.
There are so many hypocrisies I could point out about your argument and the statements youve made over the last 48 hours, but to be really honest, I dont even know if I could fit them all here on one page.

You have successfully made a mockery of yourself and there are quite a few people who have had a laugh at your expense. Im not sure what you were trying to prove by the comments you made to her but I will point out exactly what you proved to us..

Youve proven that youre a drama addict. This is something ive known for a long time and that ive told Kelley over and over and over again. You repeatedly try to make yourself the central victim in all sorts of stupid little spats that you invent and perpetuate. You do realize that people dont like drama addicts, right? People cannot stand to be around someone who is constantly trying to find something to be upset over. Now, look around you..how many friends do you have? Do you wonder why? You say Kelley has none, but as soon as you decided to disrespect her you had two immediately down your throat.

Youve proven that you are a psycho. Its not really a secret that youve got mental problems, but you really outdid yourself this time. You had your boyfriend FOLLOW Kelley? You write this on her blog like youre proud to admit that you took it upon yourself to follow Kelley and her boyfriend while they were trying to spend some private time AWAY from you as to avoid to make the situation between you guys any worse. Then you go on to say that unfortunately you cant write about this in “your blog” because Kelley changed your password. Do you know why? Because she pays for that blog. That blog was not yours, it was hers. She allowed you to blog in it and you wrote about her personal life, in a blog that she pays for, without her permission. Once again, youve tried to make yourself the central victim by claiming that *wah wah, she changed the password to your blog*. No. She didnt. She changed the password to HER blog so that you could no longer write in it.
You say that she allowed her *scumbag* boyfriend in youre house. That house was not yours. Your name was never signed on any contract and it was never signed on any lease. Her boyfriend was living with her long before you two started talking again. He moved in the very day you moved in. You knew he would be there, she wasnt “allowing” him in “your” house. He lived there with her, just like he did at every other one of her houses and if you had a problem with that, you didnt have to be there. So, yet again..youve tried to make yourself the central victim. It still hasnt worked.
You say that “I have no idea what you and Kelley are going through because shes never lied to you” as if Kelley has never told me every stupid thing youve ever tried to come to her and whine about? She lied to you about what? Where she went with her boyfriend? Are you her authority figure? Does she have to report to you? I didnt think so. You guys werent going through anything. You took something totally out of context and found a way to twist it so that you would be the central victim..yet..AGAIN.

You are a fucking pussy. You called Kelley one and even threatened her saying that if you had to see her you were “liable to end up in jail” and yet when you had the chance to discuss your issue face to face, you didnt even SHOW your face. You didnt even make your presence known. Probably for the better..you see..you are a pussy because you want drama so bad but you dont want to deal with the consequences of the drama you invent. You liked to talk a lot of shit on the internet and on the telephone through text messages, but given the chance to say your peace face to face…you wouldnt dare. Why? Because you are too afraid. You want something to be able to sit at home and dwell on, something to talk about with your boyfriend because you guys obviously cant find anything else to talk about and have in common, but thats all. You cant deal with it in any other way because you would only be harming yourself and stepping into a situation you couldnt step out of.

I hope this has cleared some things up for you. And, my offer still stands. I dont feel the need to banter here and there in text messages and on the internet if I dont have every intention of ending my problems face to face. Dont get me wrong, I dont advocate violence ..but I also dont advocate talking a bunch of shit to someone and then hiding behind my boyfriend because I know ive gone too far and im scared to death of the consequences.

You need to get over yourself. You are not that important. I swear.

**Sorry to everyone for the randomness and vagueness of this entry. Its really not meant for people that I dont know to read it and understand it, the ideas are ill thought out and slapped together but they are just random thoughts concerning recent events involving everyone involved in this entry. Everything that ive had to say about this situation has been said elsewhere and this is pretty much the shavings of all those previously more intricately thought out ideas. But, I felt the need to post something about it here ..its just not as “together” as id like it to be. But, thats ok..so, I will leave you with the response I wrote on my cousins blog..the response to Kristens crazy ass threatening comment: