I was raised Southern Baptist. I went to church every Sunday, and every Wednesday. On Wednesday nights I went to a Church of Christ with my babysitter and her family. See, my mom worked overtime on Wednesdays and my babysitters daughter was my best friend so..id have dinner with them, then go to church. I loved church. It was fun, it was social..but one day I woke up and I realized that despite my deep love and affection for the tradition id had in my life, going to church…..I didnt believe a word of it.
Let me tell you, it takes A LOT to turn away from the faith youve been raised in. It takes A LOT to turn from that tradition, something you have always been taught is right, and something you are familiar with and something you have been taught not to question. It takes an amazing amount of very deep self reflection and self psycho analyzing to decide that something you have told by your mother, father, grandmother, friends, family is right, and is the ONLY way, may not be the only way and not only that but that you not only dont believe in it, but dont want to be a devotee of that religion any longer because it is not fulfilling you in any way, and is leaving you with a spiritual void.
There are so many commonalities among humans. I think that spiritual journey is one of them. And, it doesnt matter what religion, or what spirituality…but just that JOURNEY of wanting to be in union with the divine..is such a commonality among human beings because most of us, even if we dont believe, are searching for something higher than the self. It is an innate part of human nature, I believe, anyway.
It was a difficult decision to sever my ties with any religious labels I put upon myself as a child out of tradition, out of familiarity, but, it was even harder to label myself with my newfound religion.
I became a devotee of Shiva. A faith that is literally, quite foreign. It was difficult to tell people of my religion because I knew I wouldnt be taken seriously. A white, American, devotee of Shiva. Shiva is a “Hindu” God. I just refer to him as my “ishta deva”..my personal God, my chosen God.
Just because I came to the realization that I didnt believe in Christianity, and that I didnt find my spiritual home there..certainly doesnt mean that I hate Christianity. Its quite the opposite, I love it, and I have studied it in depth ever since I left the religion.
I still have a deep affinity for Jesus Christ, he just isnt my chosen deity. I dont really find…anything that I feel connects me to him.
I love to talk to people about their faith. I like to see why they believe they way they do. We are human beings and everything we do has a motive behind it, generally, there is some reward..we do something because we feel or we believe we will be rewarded for it. Many people belong to certain religions because they believe they will be rewarded in the afterlife and so forth and so on.
So, the questions I ask most people..and anyone whos reading this..id love to hear the answers you guys have (dont worry im not going to debate you about them. this isnt a theological debate, its just me wanting to learn about other people).
1. What do you believe? That means, what religion to you belong to?
2. Were you raised in this religion, or was it a faith that you came back home to in your later years?
3. Why do you believe in this faith? Do you believe it offers you some sort of spiritual solace? Some instructions for spiritual advancement? Enlightenment?
4. What made you choose this faith, over all the others..what do you feel your faith or religion has…that others dont?
5. Have you studied your religion any? Read the sacred texts, etc? If not, why not? If so, which did you read and what did you take away from it?
My own answers to my own questions:
1. I am a devotee of Lord Shiva. Shiva is a “Hindu” God. I have identified as being a “Hindu” for many years now, but more recently, I prefer the term Shaiva. My religion is Saiva Darshan. Shaivism.
2. I was raised Southern Baptist. I became a devotee of Shiva when I was around 14 or so.
3. When I started to worship Shiva and learn everything that went along with it, I found a part of myself that I loved. That I was at peace with. That I found shelter with. All of this inside of myself, inner peace, inner solace. I learned that I was not separate from God, that I was the same and could achieve that union IN life. Eastern religion offers extreme spiritual advancement in ways that are theologically extremely different than Western religion.
4. I chose this faith because I felt safe within it. It offers ME PERSONALLY things that other faiths do not.
5. Ive studied my religion, and other religions in depth. I have read a number of Hindu holy books, the Gita, the Sama Veda, Rg Veda, Iso Upanishad, Ramayana and a few others. I still have a long way to go though. Ive also read the Bible, cover to cover multiple times as well as the Quran, twice, cover to cover.
March 15th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
I wish I could answer your questions, but I am too confused too. Too confused about religion and God. I don’t even feel comfortable talking about it because I am so confused. Maybe because I never took the time to look into any religions, even Christianity. I think it’s great that you are such a spiritual person. I wish I was. It kind of feels like a void, me being confused about it. I hope one day I can get into it.
March 15th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Oh yeah, I really, really like your new layout.
March 20th, 2008 at 11:01 am
A really interesting post, full of integrity. The spiritual quest never ends, we find our appropriate resting places on the way and hopefully learn from each experience.
tat tvam asi.
March 20th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Namaste
Thank you!
Tat Tvam Asi.
March 23rd, 2008 at 1:18 am
Your journey sounds similar to mine. I went through a lot of different religious channels searching for truth…it turns out I might’ve just been looking to recover an old memory — I’d been sexually assaulted at 4 years old, and after my attacker died I went through 6 years of gruesome emotional repercussions that had me on medicines I didn’t need to be taking [my health hasn’t been the same since], diagnoses that weren’t correct [now that the trauma is out, my final diagnosis is PTSD which is the right one], and nearly lost my life…last year I overdosed on lithium and stopped my pulse. I don’t know how I’m still alive but I am. I went through a strong Christianity as a child, until my attacker died where my philosophy turned Atheist…I re-converted after feeling like I’d found the right path to go on [though I wasn’t there yet] but in the last year as I searched to uncover my past I went from my Christianity to Satanism to something that now has element of every religion I’ve ever researched - Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, etc, etc. I consider myself a spiritualist now and I’m very certain of my gods. One thing I notice is that I’d been praying up to two months before my attempt last year for something to prevent the depression…I think that I jumped too quick trying to end my life, because I think my answer was on it’s way, I was just too impatient to wait. I do believe that what we call god exist as an independent force, but I also believe that it exists in humans too and I think I was going to be pointed to a certain someone who could help me heal from everything and show me the truth I’d been looking for: love, which is something I’ve never allowed myself to experience being that the person who attacked me in the first place was my father. I gave up every escape I’d been using to dull my pain because of the intrigue in this person, and though I ended up being shown a memory I had made myself forget for my own sanity…I think it’s appropriate that it came out to make room for me feeling whatever I will feel for this guy. I don’t really know yet, things are still shaking up but I think I’m right.
That was long, lol. Now to answer your questions since that’s what I WANTED to do…
March 23rd, 2008 at 1:25 am
1. What do you believe? That means, what religion to you belong to?
I belong to the certain sect of people that believe you only get things out of life by challenging it and not being afraid of the answer it will give you. Basic gnosticism, I suppose. I call myself a gnostic agnostic.
2. Were you raised in this religion, or was it a faith that you came back home to in your later years? My family is traditional Baptist.
3. Why do you believe in this faith? Do you believe it offers you some sort of spiritual solace? Some instructions for spiritual advancement? Enlightenment?
I believe it does, moreso without the politics of religion, when people believe what they want to believe and don’t believe what a certain philosophy’s guidelines tell you to. Or in better words: when people get to call their gods whatever they want to call them and see life however they want to see it.
I don’t know that those are better words, but that’s the best I can do.
4. What made you choose this faith, over all the others..what do you feel your faith or religion has…that others dont?
Going through all of these religions and experiencing life at it’s harshest led me to this. As well as seeing how religion without insight can screw a lot of people up.
5. Have you studied your religion any? Read the sacred texts, etc? If not, why not? If so, which did you read and what did you take away from it?
My religion doesn’t really have a sacred text because it isn’t a religion, but I do have a love connection with any religious text I read. I know the New Testament pretty much by heart [helps that my birthday is December 25th ;)] and I’m currently reading [and loving] The Ramayana. I have read the Satanic Bible too, which strangely enough is the closest I’ve ever come to reading my thoughts in print…though I must say I’m not as interested in ritualizing which is why I ultimately decline to prescribe to any specific religion. I make my own rules. I think being an individual is important, but not where you are trying to structure yourself into a certain label or mindset, life stops being about life that way. That’s just what I think.