Over the course of my use and subsequent addiction to opiates, I thought that I had learned everything about them and how they work in users brains, what causes addiction, what the addiction is, etc. I was wrong. I definitely had not learned everything, there were some very, extremely important things that I had not learned about opiate addiction and how it effects users and then, what Methadone does to counteract and heal the wounds previous opiate use has caused.

Firstly, opiate addiction, unlike any other addiction, is a disease in every sense of the word. It is both a physical disease in which the user shows symptoms and illness, but a psychological one and most importantly..opiate addiction is a BRAIN DISEASE. Most other drugs we know of are only “psychologically” addictive and do not cause the brain disease that opiate addiction does. It is well known that opiate withdrawal causes intense discomfort, pain, diarrhea, muscle and stomach aches, restless leg syndrome and vomiting but it also causes a disease of the brain.

There are a lot of ways someone can BECOME addicted to opiates and then there is also predisposition to opiate addiction. Saying that one is predisposed to become an addict is in no way blaming the problem on someone other than the addict, its just a genetic, hereditary truth. First, let me explain the brain disease a little bit more and I will go into more detail about hereditary addiction.

Like most all other drugs, opiates have a direct effect on the dopamine produced in your brain, or..lets say…the lack of dopamine being produced in your brain. The opiate, like most all other drugs, causes a huge release of dopamine. Dopamine controls appetites for food and sex and after about 4 months of opiate use…without the opiates..your brain just doesnt produce dopamine anymore. PET scans conducted on the brains of heroin and other opiate addicts showed this. The addiction also has a direct effect on our Norepinephrin which controls the part of our nervous system that we do NOT have control over. When a questionable situation happens, its the release of Norepinephrin that causes the fight or flight mechanism to kick in. Opiate use suppresses this when one is under the influence of the drug so the user feels safe…literally like NOTHING can harm them. So when you dont have the opiates in your system..it triggers this re uptake of this “fight or flight” and causes intense, insane panic and anxiety.

Now, there are actual opioid receptors in our body that deal with feelings of safety and happiness. These receptors are in our spinal columns I think. There are 4 receptors that are directly involved in the effects of opioids. They are: Mu, Kappa, Delta and Sigma. Like a fucking fraternity, lol. Seriously though….the delta receptor deals with euphoria (the onset of euphoria when under the influence and the extreme taking away of euphoria when not under the influence), the sigma deals with depression (the taking away of depression when under the influence and the onset of depression when there are no opioids to attach to the sigma receptors). The Mu and Kappa deal with pain relief.

The last part of the disease is the effect that opiate addiction has on our endorphines. Our bodies have opioid receptors in them because our bodies produce chemicals naturally that can latch onto these receptors and cause similar effects to opiates and opioids. Those chemicals are called Endorphines. They are super similar to Morphine and they moderate our moods, promote pleasure and manage our reactions to stress. So when someone is high on opiates, it makes sense that they are very laid back, easy going, etc..and when they are not, they are anxious, and very defensive (which would explain why Soda would run from the police even without having drugs on him). The cessation of opiate use explains the often erratic and illogical actions of the addict. Someone who has never used opiates gets a normal amount of endorphines into these receptors, whereas addicts are constantly overloading the socket, so to speak. Four months of continuous opiate use causes the body to stop making endorphines on its own. So when you quit and have made it past the gut wrenching physical withdrawals…you have no dopamine or endorphines. And it takes a VERY VERY long time for the body to begin to make these on their own again with no help from an opiate. Thats why its so easy to go use again. Its not just a matter of “quitting.” If you think it is, then you obviously have never been in this situation and you need to shut the fuck up because you arent qualified to even form an opinion on this subject

So now, back to the hereditary nature of the disease. Research has now shown that children with one opiate dependent parent have a chance of inheriting a depression which, a lot of the time, leads to addiction when they are anywhere between 18-21 years of age because around this age, their dopamine will automatically begin to decrease and their body will stop making endorphines. This causes the person to be depressed and they will seek out ways to become happy. For some this means countless trial and error sessions with SSRI’s or anti psychotics or other pharmaceuticals that often times do nothing so the person goes on to experiment with self medication- illegal drugs…and when they experiment with that opiate..BAM. Theyve hit the mark. Now, a lot of these people dont have the money or the mens or the hook up to continue use..but for many…they do. And this is the start of an evil cycle.

Methadone helps this by speeding up the process in which your brain creates dopamine and endorphines again. Not only does it have a profound chemical effect in that it allows the brain to begin the process of building up natural dopamine and endorphines, but it takes the user off of the streets. Science and medicine are finally beginning to realize the huge effect opiates take on the human brain and the disease they cause, and our government is reacting accordingly by legalizing methadone. Methadone clinics take addicts off of the streets and into medical facilities where they are properly taken care of and supervised by trained medical professionals. Addicts no longer have to go out and commit a crime in order to just feel “normal.” Methadone is not just “replacement therapy,” it is also medical supervision, doctors visits, therapist visits, support systems…everything an addict needs to recover properly in an environment where opiate addiction is understood and treated for what it is and the user is not frowned upon and looked down upon as scum. The addict now has responsibilities he or she must take care of at the clinic, whether it is keeping up with their receipts and take home dose bottles in their lock boxes, to maintaining their appointments with their doctor, counselor and support groups.

There are a lot of high strung home makers who get bent out of shape when a methadone clinic is going to be built nearby. Let me inform you…

These people have no right to even have a sayso in the decision simply because they are judging based on the term “Methadone Clinic” and giving into preconceived notions, stereotypes and stigmas about clinics when in fact they know nothing because methadone treatment is 100 percent confidential and unless someone tells you they are on methadone..YOU DO NOT KNOW. If you sat outside a clinic and watched the people who came in and out of the facility…you would not be able to tell if it were just a normal doctors office, or lawyers office, or any other normal public facility.
Addiction does not discriminate, anyone and everyone can become addicted. Ive only listed like..two ways here. There are corporate addicts who maintain a 6 figure income who became addicted when their doctor over prescribed them, there are mothers who were given narcotic pain killers after the birth of their children, there are grandparents, parents, children, businessmen….people from all walks of life and these people are making positive change in their lives.

I am one of those people. No one would know unless I told them. Now I have.

Where do you sit?

Ghora. It means darkness. The darkness of ignorance. Aghora. That means…light. The absence of ignorance. Aghora. The absence of darkness. Under the tree of knowledge, there is an Aghori. A practitioner of Aghora. A follower of that path. He has gone beyond ignorance thanks to the flame of knowledge.

The flame of knowledge dances from a funeral pyre. The funeral pyre…is…the ultimate reality. A continual reminder that everyone has to die.
Knowledge of the ultimate reality of death has taken the Aghori beyond the eight snares of existence. Lust, anger, greed, delusion, envy, shame, disgust and fear. Those things bind all beings. They bind us all.

The Aghori is astonished by the uselessness of a limited existence. Knowing the whole world to be within herself though she is not in this world.

She is bewildered. She is bewildered to think that all is within her, not external to her. She sees not with her physical eyes, but with the eyes of perception. The sense of perception. The flame of knowledge, that which preserves life.
The eternal flame of the funeral pyre.

Divine Delirium. Thats what I call it.

Is it you that you see when you stare into the mirror? Is that who you are? Do YOU encapsulate that image, that face deeply staring back at you with tears streaming down its cheeks? Are you simply..a reflection?
Divine Delirium. Thats what I call it.

For the past two days, there is nothing I have thought about more than this movie. A lot of people dont like it, wont like it…because they dont understand. You know, they always say…”Think with someone, and they will love you..make them think, and they will hate you.” This movie is sort of like that. It raised so many questions for me..about life, death, rebirth, existence.

The sky plays a major role in every religion. EVERY religion. The sky. Our creator comes from the sky..or so we are told.
This is true. In a very primitive sense, of course. Human origins have been found in exploding stars. Star dust. Our life cycles are the same as stars. Fetal, childhood to adulthood, middle age, then death.

In Mayan mythology, their underworld..where souls went to die and be reborn was called Xibalba. This is more commonly referred to as Orions Nebula. Orions Nebula is a Nebula where new stars are born…all of the time.

Its starting to make more sense to me. We come from up there. We probably go back up there.

I was raised Southern Baptist. I went to church every Sunday, and every Wednesday. On Wednesday nights I went to a Church of Christ with my babysitter and her family. See, my mom worked overtime on Wednesdays and my babysitters daughter was my best friend so..id have dinner with them, then go to church. I loved church. It was fun, it was social..but one day I woke up and I realized that despite my deep love and affection for the tradition id had in my life, going to church…..I didnt believe a word of it.

Let me tell you, it takes A LOT to turn away from the faith youve been raised in. It takes A LOT to turn from that tradition, something you have always been taught is right, and something you are familiar with and something you have been taught not to question. It takes an amazing amount of very deep self reflection and self psycho analyzing to decide that something you have told by your mother, father, grandmother, friends, family is right, and is the ONLY way, may not be the only way and not only that but that you not only dont believe in it, but dont want to be a devotee of that religion any longer because it is not fulfilling you in any way, and is leaving you with a spiritual void.

There are so many commonalities among humans. I think that spiritual journey is one of them. And, it doesnt matter what religion, or what spirituality…but just that JOURNEY of wanting to be in union with the divine..is such a commonality among human beings because most of us, even if we dont believe, are searching for something higher than the self. It is an innate part of human nature, I believe, anyway.

It was a difficult decision to sever my ties with any religious labels I put upon myself as a child out of tradition, out of familiarity, but, it was even harder to label myself with my newfound religion.

I became a devotee of Shiva. A faith that is literally, quite foreign. It was difficult to tell people of my religion because I knew I wouldnt be taken seriously. A white, American, devotee of Shiva. Shiva is a “Hindu” God. I just refer to him as my “ishta deva”..my personal God, my chosen God.

Just because I came to the realization that I didnt believe in Christianity, and that I didnt find my spiritual home there..certainly doesnt mean that I hate Christianity. Its quite the opposite, I love it, and I have studied it in depth ever since I left the religion.
I still have a deep affinity for Jesus Christ, he just isnt my chosen deity. I dont really find…anything that I feel connects me to him.

I love to talk to people about their faith. I like to see why they believe they way they do. We are human beings and everything we do has a motive behind it, generally, there is some reward..we do something because we feel or we believe we will be rewarded for it. Many people belong to certain religions because they believe they will be rewarded in the afterlife and so forth and so on.

So, the questions I ask most people..and anyone whos reading this..id love to hear the answers you guys have (dont worry im not going to debate you about them. this isnt a theological debate, its just me wanting to learn about other people).

1. What do you believe? That means, what religion to you belong to?
2. Were you raised in this religion, or was it a faith that you came back home to in your later years?
3. Why do you believe in this faith? Do you believe it offers you some sort of spiritual solace? Some instructions for spiritual advancement? Enlightenment?
4. What made you choose this faith, over all the others..what do you feel your faith or religion has…that others dont?
5. Have you studied your religion any? Read the sacred texts, etc? If not, why not? If so, which did you read and what did you take away from it?

My own answers to my own questions:
1. I am a devotee of Lord Shiva. Shiva is a “Hindu” God. I have identified as being a “Hindu” for many years now, but more recently, I prefer the term Shaiva. My religion is Saiva Darshan. Shaivism.
2. I was raised Southern Baptist. I became a devotee of Shiva when I was around 14 or so.
3. When I started to worship Shiva and learn everything that went along with it, I found a part of myself that I loved. That I was at peace with. That I found shelter with. All of this inside of myself, inner peace, inner solace. I learned that I was not separate from God, that I was the same and could achieve that union IN life. Eastern religion offers extreme spiritual advancement in ways that are theologically extremely different than Western religion.
4. I chose this faith because I felt safe within it. It offers ME PERSONALLY things that other faiths do not.
5. Ive studied my religion, and other religions in depth. I have read a number of Hindu holy books, the Gita, the Sama Veda, Rg Veda, Iso Upanishad, Ramayana and a few others. I still have a long way to go though. Ive also read the Bible, cover to cover multiple times as well as the Quran, twice, cover to cover.

Happiness is not external.

The world outside of my window is fast paced, constantly changing, constantly evolving.  My take on reality is that nothing we do in this life is ever going to matter here, or anywhere fucking else for that matter. But, I will be god damned if I let that beat me down. Happiness is internal. There are no outside sources that can effect who we are. None outside of me, and none outside of you.

I think the point of this life is…to enjoy it. I dont think there is any huge metaphysical conundrum, no scientific or religious or spiritual explanation. No huge “meaning of life” that we all search for. Its right here…its right in front of us.

We are given this. Lets enjoy it. After all, dont you think thats really the point of it all?

“It’s all about love. love. love. love.
Don’t ever let anything be more important”.
- Jeff Buckley

This is a bulletin a friend posted on myspace.
I made a personal response to this bulletin that I will post below, AFTER I post the original bulletin. Heres the original:

Body: Why do we ((sleep)) in [[school]],

But stay ((awake)) through a [[3 hour movie]]?
Why is it so ((hard)) to talk about [[God]],
but so ((easy)) to talk about [[sex]]?
Why are we so ((bored)) when we look at a [[Christian magazine]],
but find it ((easy)) to read [[Playboy]]?
Why is it so easy to ((ignore)) a [[Godly]] myspace bulletin,
Yet we ((repost)) the [[nasty]] ones?
Why are ((churches)) getting [[smaller]],
But ((bars and clubs)) are [[expanding]]?
Why is it so easy to purchase {beer} and {drugs}?
But so hard to donate 25 cents for a {Charity}?
Why is it so easy to worship a {Celebrity}?
But very difficult to engage with {God}?
Think about it, are you going to repost this?
Are you going to ignore it, cause you think you’ll get laughed at?
Repost this as “dont read if ur immature ….seriously”
80 % of you wont repost this.
The Lord said:
“If you deny me in front of your friends, I will deny you in front of my Father

And, my response ^_^ :
This was in my bulletin box! All due respect goes to the people who believe in Christianity, Jesus, and all things Abrahmic, however, some of us do not. So, I will gladly answer the questions posed in this bulletin from my perspective!

Everything I type will be inbetween ::::these::::

Body: Why do we ((sleep)) in [[school]], :::Because our education system is so underfunded and primitive there are no new, innovative, interactive and INTERESTING ways to teach school. In order to learn something, one has to be interested in it. Schools do not make anything interesting for the students, therefore, they dont learn:::

But stay ((awake)) through a [[3 hour movie]]? :::Because it is interesting and it holds our interest, unlike school.:::

Why is it so ((hard)) to talk about [[God]], ::::I dont find it hard to talk about God at all, its just that, living in the buckle of the Bible belt, the idea of “God” and what “God” is, is very very narrow and trapped inside of an ages old box that no one here has the willpower or the bravery to break open. People are indirectly forced to blindly believe in something and never challenge it. I challenge things. I challenge man made ideals about what God is. I challenge the beliefs and the believers of a man made religion. Christianity is a man made religion. Most Christians havent the slightest idea about the true history of Christianity and condemn you to hell before you can even begin to try and teach it to them, yet they are so quick to “witness” their misguided truths to you.::

but so ((easy)) to talk about [[sex]]? :::There is absolutely nothing wrong with sex. Sex is a natural occurrence, a human NEED, just like sleeping or eating. A positive, healthy sex life has positive physical and mental benefits. In our society, sex is either talked about in a negative way..or not talked about at all. There is no positive sex education here, only sexual miseducation. American mass media fills our youths heads full of sexual ideas about how a woman should look, how much she should weigh, how a man should treat her. American mass media essentially fucks up our ideas about beauty and sex from a very young age. Sex NEEDS to be talked about.:::

Why are we so ((bored)) when we look at a [[Christian magazine]], ::::Because I find the same ol rehashed “modern” Christian babble to be the most boring, false dribble ive ever read in my life. Now, if a Christian magazine one day decided to write articles about the first Ecumenical Councils, the Council of Nicea, The Great Schism, etc..then I would LOVE to read them. But they dont, they are filled with simple minded propaganda…they are filled with myths to manipulate the masses.:::

but find it ((easy)) to read [[Playboy]]? ::::I dont know anyone who even reads Playboy, but, I could say that this is a direct outcome of the moronic ideas the American Mass Media pumps into the minds of our youth regarding ideas of sexuality and beauty.:::

Why is it so easy to ((ignore)) a [[Godly]] myspace bulletin, ::: I am not ignoring this one. However, most “Godly” bulletins are filled with simple ideas from one viewpoint. Simple “CHRISTIAN” ideas. I am neither simple, nor Christian.:::

Yet we ((repost)) the [[nasty]] ones? :::I dont repost any nasty bulletins but I could definitely say that this is also a direct repercussion of what mass media is instilling into our youths:::

Why are ((churches)) getting [[smaller]],::::Because people are coming to their senses and realizing that NOTHING taught in modern American “Christianity” has anything to do with real early Christianity and, in fact, keeps true Christianity under wraps because it promotes individuality and deep spirituality. What is taught in church now is a product of MAN. It has nothing to do with God. Read your history.::::

But ((bars and clubs)) are [[expanding]]? ::::Because as human beings, we desire pleasure. Its not that bars and clubs are the only things that can give us pleasure..spirituality and God can also give us pleasure. However, some of us simply arent satisfied with the same rehashed crap pulverized into our brains over and over and over again. There is a LIMITLESS amount of knowledge that exists within this mass consciousness. What the MEN who preach “Christianity” in this modern world would LIKE me to believe as truth, well, I know otherwise and I am not dumb enough to simply believe it blindly without questioning, studying, and doing my research. Anyway..whats wrong with bars and clubs?:::

Why is it so easy to purchase {beer} and {drugs}? ::::Why shouldnt it be? Who says these things are wrong? We are human beings, we desire pleasure. One does not have to relate the consumption of alcohol and drugs to God, but they also CAN be related and have been for centuries. As a matter of fact, throughout history many cultures have consumed alcohol and drugs as a means to build a bridge TO God and TO the divine. The Mazatec Indians use Salvia, the Bwitists use Iboga, Native American Tribes use a multitude of entheogens, “Soma” from The Vedas is thought to be the Amanitas Muscaria mushroom, different species of mushrooms are also used by natives of Papua New Guinea. Research is being conducting now among scholars who believe that the “manna” referred to in the Old Testament was actually Psylocibin Mushrooms (P. cubensis). The physical descriptions of Manna, as well as the cultivation and harvesting methods described in the Bible are identical to those of Psilocybin Mushrooms(P. cubensis). Manna means “Bread of the Gods” just as the Mayan word TEONANACATL, the Greek word AMBROSIA, the Sanskrit word SOMA, which all describe Psylocibin Mushrooms of varying species, but mostly P. cubensis, which are still consumed today. It is social stigma and moral subjectivity which have made “drugs” a bad thing, and in may circumstances if not used correctly they can be bad. But, if used negatively…what ISNT bad? “Beer and drugs” may be looked upon by modern society as completely bad and separate from God..but who is to dictate that, really?:::

But so hard to donate 25 cents for a {Charity}? ::::I have never personally come across someone who would not donate 25cents to charity, but perhaps this could be due to the outing of many charities as false. The news that so many so called “charities” dont really donate the money to just causes at all, but pocket the money. Perhaps in todays society greed has gone so far to everyones head that no one knows who to trust.:::

Why is it so easy to worship a {Celebrity}? ::::Again, this completely has to do with the subliminal brainwashing of the masses by the American Mass Media.:::

But very difficult to engage with {God}? :::Because most people are not educated about God. In this country, people are only given one view of God, one definition. They grow up Christian, are familiar with it, and due to all of the fire and brimstone threats they are afraid to question it or look elsewhere. If I was taught that God could possibly condemn me, his own creation, his creation created in likeness of him, to a lifetime of suffering in hell, I would find it very hard to talk to him too.:::

Think about it, are you going to repost this? :::I most definitely am.:::

Are you going to ignore it, cause you think you’ll get laughed at? :::Most certainly not. I hope that I will educate someone by reposting this:::

Repost this as “dont read if ur immature ….seriously” :::No. I will repost it as something different.:::

80 % of you wont repost this.

I would absolutely LOVE to see someone post a rebuttal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

I just came across this radio interview with a man named Larry Nichols who worked alongside Bill Clinton for a very long time inside of the Government. And, Wow. Just. Wow. The things said in this interview are absolutely insane. You have to hear it.

http://www.nw0.info/files/Radio/Alex%20Jones%20Radio%20Archive/2008/February/aj_2008-02-07.mp3

Let it load all the way, and then skip to about the center…listen for a man with a raspy voice. The things that the Clintons have been doing throughout their political career…whew. My, my, my.  I know that recently there is a lot of talk about the church Obama belongs to…that is a grain of salt in the ocean in comparison to the shit that will be heard here. Larry Nichols is an ex special forces CIA operative who worked with the Clintons until he found out that Cocaine was being imported via Mena, Arkansas. He talks about that, he talks about the murder of a farmer whos daughter Bill Clinton was fucking, the farmer was gonna go public with the affair…I mean..its crazy shit. Really sad. These are an extremely corrupt people. There is a part of me that feels sorry that Hillary is involved in this, but thats just it..she IS a part of all of this. My reasons for disliking her before were trivial, menial. Silly. As a matter of fact, I liked her and hoped that she could possibly be vice president. Not anymore. The Clintons need to be kept out of office.

Tonight, I was talking to a friend of mine who has been having some struggles with depression lately. Now, most of you who know me are probably saying “uh oh!” hahaha. I suffered with depression every minute of my teenage life. I was diagnosed as Bipolar Disorder/Manic Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (which turned into Panic Disorder just a little less than a year ago) at a very young age. This was something that, in time, I learned to celebrate. I know, that sounds weird, right? Well…it is a part of who I am and everything that has made me who I am is worth celebrating. Not just the good stuff, but the bad stuff too because those things taught me some extremely important lessons.
I know how hard depression can be. Chemical or situational..its very rough. I have grown much bigger than my Bipolar Disorder. This in no way means that I do not feel depressed anymore, or that I do not ever feel manic anymore. It just means that I have learned to identify my symptoms and work through them. Not everyone is this lucky.

Now, with all of that said..I do not EVER party with the pity partyers. I do not sugar coat things for them, I do not give in to their pity partying. I dont party with ‘em. I am not going to oblige them. Theres no reason to. That isnt help. They dont need someone to say “ohhh oh my gosh, I am like, sooo sorry, you poor baby.” That shit doesnt help. It makes them worse, it makes them wanna cry some more. They need a fat hit of reality, even if it sounds completely rude. It doesnt mean I dont care, it doesnt mean they cant cry on my shoulder. It just means im NOT GONNA LIE. Reality doesnt lie.

So, onto the point of my story. I was conversing with a friend of mine who has had some problems with depression recently. I think that he is also dealing with quite a bit of self pity. I was just suggesting things that could possibly make him feel better and it hit me..MASSAGE! Its called massage THERAPY for a reason. I told him “You need to go get a massage! It will make you feel soooooo much better. The power of human touch is A-MAZING!”
His response was:

heh thers only one person ill let touch me and that a significate other lmao (sic)

My response to this was “Wow. Thats really fucking stupid. No offense.” Lmfao. Dont you love it when someone says something completely offensive and then says “no offense” at the end? I am guilty as charged on that one, over, and over, and over again. Yeah, anyway…I said “Dont ever underestimate the power of human touch. Its extremely powerful. Immensely powerful. There is NO need to sexualize human contact. Human contact is essential to our mental and physical health.”
So he said”

lol i guess you can see it that way but growing up without affection, if a female puts her hand on me my heart will flutter and if a guy does he must want to get hit (sic)

My response was “Guess what? Thats part of being human.” He told me that touch is a very personal thing to him. Well, touch is a personal thing to everyone, as it should be, because it is very powerful, however, just because something is personal or even sacred…that doesnt mean that it should be reserved and hidden. Not to mention that one would think that if someone is depressed and has stated verbally that they hate the way they feel and they want to feel differently…they would be willing to try just about anything. I supplied him with a few links about the power of human touch.

He says:

well ill just keep having logic failures and wait to be touched untill i find someon (sic)
well i grew up without a father, my mom maybe hugged me twice, and my bother and sister were much younger than me, and we moved all the time. what does this have to do with anything. maybe having touch from anyone other than who i want it from feels rather alien like a guinnee pig running up your pants(sic)

Now, here is where I will discontinue the conversation between my friend and I and get into my rant. There is no reason why being touched by someone should feel alien. Now, I realize that there could be trauma in many peoples lives that changes the way they feel about being touched and this is not what im talking about. That is a whole different situation that you wont find me discussing here.
In our “advanced” Western society, it feels alien to us to be touched by another human being that is not someone we are fucking. This simply is not the way things should be. We have forgotten about one another. We have forgotten how important it is to just hug each other once in a while. In a society that is so technologically advanced, we have abandoned ourselves spiritually. We have been left to fend for ourselves alone in this world, without the aid of our brothers and sisters because we have sexualized the human body and human touch so much that it has become taboo to embrace someone when they desperately need it. If two men hug, they are “gay” (as if being gay is some horribly negative thing). If two women hug, all the sudden they are lesbians who were only put upon this Earth as sexual objects of perverted 40+ year old mens desire. Its absolutely devastating that we have been so thoroughly brainwashed into abandoning each other. There are societies that have existed upon this earth for centuries that have entire medicinal arts based solely upon touch and the energy that is passed between two humans when they touch. There are martial arts based completely on the energy that flows throughout everything in our universe, including our own bodies.

The benefits of human touch are not only hailed in “alternative” Eastern medicinal practices, but in our own Western medicine as well.

I hate that our society has put such sexualized stigmas and taboos on touching each other. The positive energy passed between two human beings when they exchange touch is so powerful, it is love and I think that it is painfully obvious that our world needs as much love as possible right now. Hug someone today. Hug someone that you normally would not hug, I can PROMISE you that it will not only make your day, but it will make theirs too!

If you guys would like to learn more about how essential touch is, check out the following links:
Pleasure/Power
WebMB Power of human touch.
Reiki using human touch

^_^

Like I said in the last entry…I havent really found a presidential candidate that I have just fallen in love with. This election is really no joke. Its serious and I think that because of the horrible job that Bush has done in recent years has really caused people to go into, sort of, a political panic mode. By this, I mean that people are pretty much saying “ANYONE BUT BUSH!” and thats a pretty dangerous way to look at things. If there is ANYTHING positive Bush has done while in office, it has been to make people rethink who they vote for, but like most everything, that can backfire. While they are rethinking the parties they identify with, and maybe even reading the candidates websites or their Wikipedia article (lol), they are so excited about getting Bush out of office that they are still not weighing their options and taking the first thing that looks remotely interesting to them.

I am not registered into any party. I am not a registered Democrat, or a registered Republican and I dont identify with either of those parties. As a matter of fact, I dont identify with any political party. I am weighing all of my options and I am researching multiple candidates from multiple parties and I am trying not to restrict myself. There are things that I like about some candidates, and things I dont like from those same candidates and then there are some I just dont like all around. Its going to be a difficult decision for me.

I refuse to vote for someone who voted “yes” for the war on Iraq. This pretty much cancels out most of the current candidates, with the exception of a few free thinking ones. I dont believe at any time that there has been any reason why any one who claimed or claims to represent the American people to vote “yes” for an unjustified war against a sovereign nation. I also do not buy the bullshit excuse that just like the American people, politicians, and as a result some of the people now trying to be president of our country, were lied to. The minute I received wind of a war in Iraq, I said no. Anyone with half of a brain cell would have the same reaction. The bottom line is that the politicians who voted “yes” for the war in Iraq did not and DO not have the best interests of the American people in mind. They voted yes because this war is consistently keeping their wallets (and purses) fat with fucking cash. Thats the truth of the matter. Now, with that said..if someone truly, honest to God believes that some of these politicians and presidential candidates were tricked and lied to, then what the hell does that say about that presidential candidate? Who would want a President who is so easily duped and lied to? Perhaps someone who is easily duped and lied to? Hmm.

Now..onto Hillary Clinton. My problems with her go back a minute. I believe this was in 2003, or 2004 she made a joke about Mahatma Gandhi. She was reciting a quote by him and said that he ran a gas station in St Louis and that a lot of “wisdom came out of that gas station.” Mahatma Gandhi was one of the most important people in the 20th century, if not one of the most important people in history up until now. He was a hero and a martyr for the peace struggle. The effect that he had was not only felt in India, it was felt throughout the world. In a world ravaged by war, he was able to effect change non violently, peacefully. We arent talking about friends sitting around getting stoned making fun of Gandhi, we are talking about a Democratic Senator for New York who chose to reduce a hero in the peace struggle down to a racially motivated stereotypical joke, not in the privacy of her own home, but publicly for the whole nation, as well as the whole world to see. This person went on to now run for President of the United States of America. Im sorry, but to me, that says shitloads. I havent even touched on the fact that she was perpetuating a racial stereotype in front of the world. That is really where I lost my respect. We all say things in the privacy of our own homes, around our friends, we all make jokes about certain things, certain people or whatever. But, when a leader, a representative, a politician makes a professional decision to joke about someone who dedicated the larger portion of their life to non violently protest for peace, and then goes on to run for President..I dunno, what else are they going to make a mockery of? What else is going to be a joke to them? Is Nelson Mandela a joke? Mother Theresa? Are we going to joke and laugh and say Nelson Mandela was on welfare? Or that Mother Theresa raped children? Is it funny to stand in front of a nation and make a joke about how the Dalai Lama probably isnt a good driver because his eyes are so slanted he cant see the road or some bullshit like that ?Is it acceptable for a political leader, a representative of our nation, someone who represents ME and my country to perpetuate racial stereotypes, tell racist jokes? Not someone who represents me. Is it acceptable for a political leader, a representative of our nation, someone who represents ME and my country to stand in front of that nation and choose a major political and spiritual activist for peace to reduce to the butt of a racist joke? Not someone who represents me.

I think its important for a President to have a sense of humor, and I think that it is important that a President is able to identify with the people they represent, they need to have the gift of discernment and know what is not professionally acceptable to say AS THE LEADER OF OUR FUCKING NATION. We already have one racist moron for a president. We dont need another one.

Maybe I am being uptight. A President, to me, should be regal and almost royal. They should be a leader and these qualities are something that have gotten lost somewhere, maybe they got lost in all of the wars we have started, who knows?

Anyway…

There is a short monologue on the live Matisyahu album called “Live at Stubbs…” I believe it comes before the song “Refuge.” Well, basically Matisyahu is talking about how in the ancient days a king truly represented his people, he stood for his people, he was their artist, their poet, their lover, their warrior, their general on the front lines. Their KING, he was the WHOLE people. Now, we dont have that. We have politicians who are running only to propagate their political agenda that benefits no one but themselves, they dont care about the American people. I want a President who has Kingly qualities. Someone regal….and to be honest…..I dont really see much of that in the majority of the people running for President right now.

Well, I really went off on a tangent with this one, didnt I? Lmao. Maybe I will find a candidate that I would like to endorse. Dont get me wrong, I love Ron Paul and I am starting to really dig Barack Obama, but you are not gonna come to my blog one day and find it decked out in corny graphics and find entries of me praising one of them as if they are completely infallible. We need CHANGE in this country, and as I said in the last entry someone who has voted to keep this country in the middle of a war and who has no exit strategy to bring our poor troops HOME..thats not change. We dont need that.

We do not need a President who cant make up their fucking mind. Flip Flopping on the issues is something thats become like a sick epidemic among the political scene and it seems like something that very very very few can escape. I do not support any candidate who originally made pro choice arguments and even attended rallies for Planned Parenthood and then “revised” their opinion to only support pro life. We do not need a President who supports a “troop surge.” No more troops in Iraq. Bring our troops home. We dont need a President who doesnt support gay marriage or civil unions. I understand that gay marriage is something that is hard to swallow for most Americans, but so is a woman and a black running for President and look..WE MADE IT! I will not support a candidate who will not give me the right to do what I want with my body, I will not support a candidate who will not do everything in their power to bring our troops home ASAP. I will not support a candidate who doesnt at least support civil unions for gays and lesbians. I will not support a candidate who has publicly stated that homosexuality could pose a dangerous public health risk. I mean, are you fucking kidding me? And seriously…I dont want a President whos played on Law and Order. Jesus..Fucking…Christ.

I will not and cannot support a candidate who acts as if Israel has done nothing wrong in regards to the multiple Arab-Israeli conflicts that have gone down over the years and the ones that continue to go down everyday. I cannot support a candidate who completely ignores the plight of the Arabs/Palestinians just for Israels sake. I cannot support a candidate who seems to think there is no problem with systematically invading and imperializing nations like Iraq. There were no such thing as “Weapons of Mass Destruction” in Iraq. That was no reason to invade Iraq. You can lie to yourself all you want and say that these politicians were lied to, they werent. You can also tell yourself that there were crimes against humanity going on inside Iraq, and that Saddam was a horrible dictator who was enslaving his people. Thats true. This country has an interventionist foreign policy and eventually with this type of foreign policy you intervene during a situation where massive crimes against humanity, genocide, etc are being committed, and while I do not support an interventionist foreign policy, I cannot change our foreign policy and if there is ANY reason to invade another country, it would be to truly save and liberate its people. With that said, I cannot support any candidate who supported and voted “yes” to the war in Iraq, and who purposes that we continue to have a steady number of troops in Iraq, but who would NOT SUPPORT GROUND TROOPS in places and situations like Darfur. This only proves to me that the best interest of humanity is not being served by a candidate who supports ongoing efforts in Iraq. Only this candidates pocketbook is being served. I cannot and will not support a candidate who voted FOR the war in Iraq and has now flip flopped on that issue and reversed their position..but will still not admit to their voting for the war as a mistake and who will not apologize for such an IDIOTIC “mistake.”I cannot and will not support a candidate who believes “homeland security” is more important than human rights. I cannot and will not support a candidate who voted for the USA Patriot Act.

So, as you can see..I am one picky bitch. This election is far too important for me to just start humping some random candidate based on a few words theyve said and the fact that their surname isnt Bush.

Well, look, I have been writing this entry over period of like…4 hours or something like that so im sure thats why its so fucking long, lmfao. So..I am gonna mash the brakes here, finally, even though there is so much more that could be said about this issue.

Have Fun!

**Instead of responding in a comment…
There are a lot of situations, actually MOST situations where I completely agree that political issues arent so black and white. Life isnt so black and white. However, when we are discussing a vote to start a war, a war that would forever change everything about this country and how we are viewed worldwide…I really dont see any other answer other than NO! We arent talking about whether or not were gonna raise taxes, or approve a new bill thats not gonna leave any child behind. We are talking about war. War is something that is either necessary or isnt. Rarely necessary and most often times is not. Its not really a black and white issue..ESPECIALLY now that people are changing their minds about it. A war is not something that you quickly vote yes to, without proper research, and it certainly isnt something that you change views on depending upon the opinions of the people from whom you are trying to take money from to load into your campaign.

If millions of Americans with only the aid of the internet can see that war, in this context and in any other context, I dont see why any and every politician couldnt. Wait, I can see why…money. Like I said, this war is keeping peoples pockets fat. Our government and so many dishonest people in it are making shit loads of money off of government contracts being fulfilled in Iraq that there would be no reason in the WORLD to vote against it.

Its great to grow. Unfortunately, with the issues we are discussing, and how serious they are (the media has even influenced the publics opinion on how serious this issue is..its somehow ok to vote yes for a war….dont think so..not 8 years ago, not now) changing your opinion from somehow thinking it is ok, and a GOOD idea to invade a country, and then changing that opinion, that is not growth that is inconsistency on the  major issues at hand, perhaps one of THE most major issues at hand. If I thought that candidates were truly having a change of heart, I probably wouldnt be bitching right now. Unfortunately I think this is more of a case of…”Im gonna vote yes for this war because the short term personal benefits out weigh the long term risks, and..well..the guy next to me seems to think its ok” and now “well im gonna say I changed my opinion on the war because everyone else has changed their opinion on the war, so changing my opinion on the war now ….will get me votes so thats what im gonna do, but lets see how I can do this without getting rimmed too hard..hmm..oh yeah..im gonna propose that we leave troops in Iraq so that money keeps rolling in..oh yeah…and so I dont look like TOO much of a moron.”

I dont write my entries targeting anyone in particular. Everyone has their own personal reasons for voting and I am not pretending to know those reasons and im not really gonna pretend I give a fuck either. However, I am pointing out a scenario that I think may be a common scene in this country, or that I believe may be an issue facing voters. Im not making assumptions about why people are going to vote, and I am not judging anyone else based on why they are voting….because I dont know why they are. Im not assuming or making judgments, I am having an opinion  that belongs to me instead of someone else and in no way do I think that I am somehow the only American who has a valid reason to vote, or am I saying that the scenario outlined in my blog entry is why everyone in America is voting..thats ridiculous. If someone comes here, reads this entry, and feels offended at anything I have said and feels like maybe I targeted them in particular regarding my questioning peoples motives behind their votes, if they feel like I am talking about them…then they should be questioning themselves instead of me and my job is done. But, I dont think its difficult to see that I am in no way assuming the majorities reasons for voting, or judging those who I dont know regarding their reasons behind voting. If someone is voting because of the reasons outlined in this blog…lol…thats their idiocy, but I am holding out some shimmer of light that the majority of people in this country wont be voting based on the simple fact that whomever they vote for is gonna get Bush out. I am hoping the American people will prove me wrong.

I must admit that this upcoming election is something that my head is very mixed up about. My head is mixed up about it, mainly because its something very serious for our nation, and for us (Americans) as a people. I have not found one candidate that I really love and support. I have found one that I like a bit more than all the others…but no one that I have felt a passion for, no one that has stirred something from deep inside of me. As a matter of fact, I did not think it was possible for anyone running for President of The United States of America to generate passion inside of me. Overall, I probably like Ron Paul more than any other candidate. However, I dont think I would rally for him to be President or preach his infallibility to everyone I speak to. I have not found a candidate who I believe to be infallible. There are major issues that mean a lot to me with this election. The war, mainly, and health care. I am sure there are many Americans who also share my belief that these are probably the two most important issues we have going on right now. However, there are two things that no one is really saying a whole lot about. Hope, and change.

There is an epidemic in this country that is affecting damn near everyone and if its not affecting you then it is  affecting someone you know. It is really, the loss of hope, or the lack of hope. We live in a country where people are becoming more and more hopeless about the problems that exist in the world that surrounds them. Its very sad. I have to admit that I too, have been affected by this extreme loss of hope and thats one of the reasons I am having a hard time with this election.

Change is something else. We are in a desperate need of change and so many people want change so badly that they are blindly following the first person who promises it without even questioning the motives of that person, the history of that person, etc.  I think that hope and change are directly related to each other, in the sense that hope brings about change…and change brings about hope. There have been many situations where Americans have needed change, and lost hope. There have been a few situations where a President, or someone running to BE President give us that hope that we need in order to bring about change. That happened on January 20th, 1961. I wasnt around at that time, though..so I missed that one.

I,unlike Lee Greenwood, have never been “Proud to be an American.” America hasnt ever given me the opportunity. There hasnt been anything in my short lifetime as an adult who understands worldly issues, that America has done to make me “proud” to be an American. Especially recently. Recently, I have been a reluctant American. Not proud at all, somewhat ashamed, and downright fucking embarrassed. This all changed tonight though, for the first time ever…I felt proud to be an American.

What made me feel this way? Barack Obama winning the Iowa Caucus. Not only is he a black man, which in itself speaks VOLUMES about the direction America is headed and just how BAD we want change and just how much hope he  has given Americans, but, he is someone who a lot of people have said would not make it to this point. I was proud of him and his speech made me proud to be an American for the first time ever.

His winning made me realize that, yes, finally, the PEOPLE of America are getting their point across and they ARE ready for a change and they do not want the same ol rehashed clones of past politicians and their wives. It almost made me feel like my vote would count…even though I know it wouldnt, LMAO. Anyway..yeah…GO OBAMA! You made me proud.

I am sorry, but someone who voted FOR the war in Iraq and even purposes that we go into Iran…they are not going to change America.

I still am not endorsing any particular candidate…but I refuse to vote for someone who voted for the war on Iraq. A friend of mine says that the reason some of these politicians voted for the Iraqi war is because they were duped and lied to…well, sorry, but, I dont want a President who is so easily duped and so who so easily believes in lies they are told.  Who would? Maybe some one who is easily duped and lied to?

Everyone who reads my blog…

Please, educate yourself on whats going on in Myanmar (Burma) right now. Buddhist Monks in Burma are protesting against 45 years of military rule in a non violent mass movement. Police and soldiers in Burma have retaliated violently against these monks, using force and weapons, cutting off internet lines and barricading the monks into temples so that they could stage no more protests.

In Thursday’s storming of the Ngwekyaryan monastery in South Okkalapa, security forces smashed windows and left behind bloodstained floors that appeared to indicate the monks were beaten during the night-time raid.

The least that we could do is educate ourselves on the situation and keep these protesters in our thoughts and in our prayers..if you pray.

*Om Mani Padme Hum*
This is the slideshow I made. Please post it in your blog. Freedom For Burma.

This breaks my heart.