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It was likewise around 75 qualities outside, tentatively skimpy for a movies of britney spears having sex night, but inside it felt like 100, because their italian conditioner had romantically glued down.

I ordered my washer and dryer. Im SO excited. Way more excited than I should be over a washer and dryer hahaha. It should be delivered either Friday, or Saturday. So, tonight im gonna do some HARDCORE cleaning. Its a little late to be cleaning but..eh..ill be up for a long time.

I even bought a new broom, lol. Im such a geek.

Ok…quick edit..I THINK im gonna go to Wal Mart and buy an area rug for the living room here in a few. I need something new in my living room to spice it up and change it up. When I get finished cleaning im gonna take some pics..its been a long time since I posted pics of my hizouse.

Teresa is running her first contest of the year over at her personal blog. You have a chance to win a beautiful turquoise bracelet created by Lori Jaclyn. She’s willing to ship anywhere and that means anyone is eligible to participate and win.

I left this HUGE..FREAKING HUGE comment to someone who I feel is..very similar to me in a lot of ways. This comment is really long…but…I liked it so much and thought it made a lot of sense so im deciding to  save the comment here. Everyone should read it..I think it pertains to everyone at at least some point in our lives.

Dont take this the wrong way at all….
I think that youre a glutton for punishment. An emotional masochist, if you will. You derive some sort of deep seeded subconscious joy in having something in your life to be sad about. Its not that you feel like you have to be surrounded by drama all the time…but..I dont know, its hard to explain..its more like..maybe thats all youve ever known, youve only ever known to be sad and being sad somehow brings you comfort because youre used to it so you put yourself in positions that ensures your unhappiness. Or, you feel that its your destiny to be sad and its just the way life is supposed to be for you and you dont care to change it because we are all afraid of change.

I went through this crap for many years when I was a teen and I didnt become “ok” until like a year ago. I was still short fused, volatile, impulsive and constantly doing things that guaranteed I would end up crying or having something to be depressed about. I was not deluded, I was fully aware that most of what happened to me was my fault.

Thats no way to live. You have to be convinced that you are worth a lot more. Ive been on just about every antidepressant, antipsychotic, antiepiletpic/mood stabilizer and combinations of both and I can honest to GOD tell you….
If you dont make the change yourself….those medications arent going to work. Part of being on medication is a psychological, psychosomatic effect that if YOU believe they will start working..they will. However, if you just rely on them to make you better and to make you feel better…they dont really do their jobs too terribly much because its not that you really have a medical problem that can be cured by popping a couple pills each day (despite what doctors tell you), you have an emotional and spiritual instability problem that requires fixing solely by YOU. You are literally stuck in a vicious pattern of thoughts that controls your life.

This probably wouldnt work for you, im just gonna tell my story of what helped me. To this day im not exactly sure why I acted the way I did. I think it was because the one man I loved more than anything…left me. My dad. He effectively chose dope over me and despite the fact that I acted like it didnt bother me, I deeply missed and needed my daddy. So, I made sure that every other male I was with was gonna leave me too because I expected it to happen anyway. So, to save myself the humiliation of having him do it to me..I just caused it so that id have the satisfaction of knowing that I KNEW why he left me..I did it to myself. Yeah. I had father issues. Thats my sob story.

Anyway..I got into spirituality. Hardcore. I became a Hindu and practiced that religion, only for the coming years. My house and everything in my life still reflects the one thing that saved me..in my mind…the cosmic consciousness that some people like to call God, in the form of Hinduism. That may sound..insane. But, I am ALL FOR people having something healthy and self reassuring to fall back on, so for a huge period of time..I felt as if God(Shiva) had my back and he and his wife, the Goddess Kali…saved me. Now, I am a bit less religious and I dont necessarily believe in certain Gods, but moreso the morality that each of them stand for and the energy behind that morality…BUT..there was one story that sticks out in my mind that an elderly man at the Hindu temple told me..when I came to him about my problems…

In Hinduism, all Gods are essentially just a part of one HUGE collective, cosmic intelligence. There are more Gods appearing all the time as small facets that make up the big picture..the story the man told me..goes like this..

There was a mighty Goddess..named Durga, who was strong, fierce, and unstoppable..or so everyone thought. One day, Durga encountered a demon with the name of Raktabija. Raktabija had a special ability in that whenever Durga would slash him with her mighty sword…the drops of blood that feel from his body to the ground would cause a clone just like him to pop up. It seemed like a never ending battle. Each drop of blood..caused another Raktabija to spring from the Earth to cause destruction. Durga, not knowing what to do..began to meditate and her third eye opened to reveal the creation of a new Goddess named Kali. Kali was like nothing anyone had ever seen before, especially Raktabija. In one huge gulp Kali swallowed the demon whole and rid him from this Earth.

The stories in Hindu mythology are all very similar in the fact that they are not portrayed as TRUE at all..they are told for a different reason…they represent the human psyche and the mental problems a human can encounter.
In this story…Durga symbolizes the mind, as a whole. Raktabija represents a vicious cycle of thoughts, negative energy..and every drop of blood that spilled from his body represents every negative thought we ever think about ourselves, implanting itself into our psyche and thus creating a NEW demon for us to have to slay within ourselves. And Kali, she represents a force within ourselves that lies dormant but needs to be activated by ourselves so that we can swallow those demons whole so that they will stop causing a pattern of negativity in our minds, and our lives.
Everyone needs a “Kali.” This story stuck with me, and everytime id start thinking irrationally or negatively…I thought about this story..and thought about the disservice I was doing to myself by beating myself up with constant negativity.

You have to drop that aspect of yourself. Do not let it define you. Truly, deep down inside..everyone wants to be happy and thats why we even act the way we do to begin with..because we are trying to “protect” ourselves when in all actuality we are hurting ourselves…indefinitely.

You are the only one in control of those thoughts and those patterns that will either make you or break you. No medicine, no doctor, nothing, no one..but you.

Check it out, yall!

And if you can EVER get your hands on the movie “Gummo” GET IT. It was filmed IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD, and by neighborhood..I dont mean 4 towns over..or 45 minutes from here..I mean…10 seconds from the house I was raised in, and maybe 20seconds from the house I live in now.

I saw SO MANY “extras” in this movie who I went to school with and some who are, unfortunately related to me. This movie is awesome. I love it. Masterpiece. Watch it.

Soda: Oh my god you gotta help me find the movie “Crossroads” its about Robert Johnson I bet its so cool.

Me: Let me look it up online.

Me: ::reading a review:: uhh..this movie stars the karate kid..this looks like some bullshit to me.

Soda: No. Its not. Red says we gotta see it. You know, its not directly about Robert Johnson..its about a white kid.

Me: ughh…BULLSHIT.

Soda: Whatever you need to quit believing what people say about shit online.

Me: NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THIS I READ THE SYNOPSIS.

Soda: BULLSHIT.

Me: EAT MY SYNOPSIS, BITCH.

Soda:  Shiit..ill eat somethin else.

/end.

Sorry I havent blogged much..been busy..but heres a few things to sum up what ive been doing..
I cut my dreads out. Yep.  It makes me sad . There are new pictures of my bald ass head on my flickr.
I want to sing bluegrass.
I want to be a burlesque model. Lmfao.

Well, its happened, ladies and gentleman.

Starting September 1st I will be taking a pay cut from my place of employment. It doesnt really have anything to do with me or how I do my job, its something thats out of my hands. However, this paycut will total about 120 bucks a month. Thats a lot, for me. Lets face it..im a big girl now. I gotta start doing things on my own and 120 bucks magically disappearing from my paycheck each month doesnt help me with that.

So, with all that said…I will be paid blogging. Ive been thinking about it for a long time now and I paypost over at another site of mine, and I wanted to steer clear of paid blogging over here because this blog means a lot to me and  I didnt want to do it. However, things have changed now.

Driving in my car on the way to McDonalds to pick up some (very unhealthy) lunch I decided to give it a try.
I can paypost here for a while and if I dont like it..I can quit. But, I need the money. I really, really need the money. It will help out a lot and opportunities like paid blogging are here for a reason and let me say, I am forever thankful/grateful to them for providing me with the opportunity to make extra cash doing something thats not demanding of my time and effort and not having to deal with bosses and corporations that take money from your well earned paychecks.

There you have it, folks. Ill still be blogging here as usual and my paid blogs will be filled with my usual humor and creativity so..not that much will change.

I got this in an e-mail from a friend. I thought id share.

Well, 9 is considered to be a very lucky number here. If a person’s birthdate is 9 or adds up to 9, then that person is considered as fortunate and lucky, enjoying a good degree of protection from God. In fact, people here pay extra money to get vehicle numbers totalling 9. My vehicle number is 6336. My mobile number adds up to 9. My new house number where we will be shifting next year is 603. Ill tell you some interesting things about 9 which will make you realize its significance and how fortunate you are:

1. Nine (known or observed) planets

2. Nine month gestation period in human birth process (from Linda Goodman’s Starsigns, 1987). Note: might this be the process during which the human consciousness becomes fused with, or attuned to, the resonant frequency of “9″?

3. Human mean normal respiration rate is 18 times per minute (ibid.)

4. Human mean normal heartbeat is 72 times a minute (ibid.)

5. Average number of heartbeats per hour is 4,320 (ibid.)

6. Average number of respirations per hour is 1,080 (ibid.)

7. Average number of respirations per 24 hour period is 25,920 (ibid.)

8. 25,920 is also the length of a sidereal year (ibid.)

9. There are 360 degrees in a circle (ibid.)

10. In the Catholic practice of Novenas, prayer services last 9 nights (ibid.)

11. Traditionally, the Romans were known to bury their dead on the 9th day of the death (ibid.)

12. Some cultures measure time in terms of very long cycles. In the Hindu tradition the present cycle of time consists of 432,000 years. This is called the “Kali Yuga”. The great cycle in which the Kali Yuga falls consists of 4,320,000 years (Campbell, The Inner Reaches Of Outer Space, 1986)

13. The Icelandic tradition tells of the great warrior hall in which there were 540 doors. Through each door there would come 800 divine warriors (ibid.). Okay, so 800 doesn’t reduce to 9. But check it out: 800 warriors are coming through each of 540 doors. 800 x 540 = 432,000 warriors!

14. A Greek version of the history of Babalonia says that between the time of the building of the first city, Kish, and the time of the Great Flood (as recounted in the Bible) there elapsed a total of 432,000 years (ibid.)

15. By totaling the life spans of the ten patriarchs from Adam to Noah (which marks the time of the Great Flood), the length of time equals 1,656 years (ibid.)

16. According to the research of Joseph Campbell, the number 9 is traditionally associated with the Goddess Mother Of The World. In India there are a total of 108 names associated with this Goddess (ibid.)

17. In Roman Catholic Europe, the cathedral bells ring 3 + 3 + 3 (morning, noon, evening) and then it rings 9 times to celebrate the virgin birth of the Savior (ibid.)

18. The Catholic rosary consists of beads strung in a pattern of 5 groups of 10 beads, with a single bead in the space between the five groups, for a total of 54 beads.

19. The pyramid on the back of the U.S. one-dollar bill is an old Masonic symbol and is made up of 72 stones, representing the tetragrammaton, the Hebrew 4-letter name for God: YHVH

20. The numerological value of YHVH is 9

21. The numerological value of the word LOVE is 9. One of the words from the Grek-5 list was God-9, making the word-phrase “God-9″ reminiscent of the old axiom, “God is Love”.

22. The ancient unit of measure known as the cubit is generally considered to be about equal to 18 inches. According to the Bible, the cubit dimensions of Noah’s Ark, when converted to inches would be 5,400 in. x 900 in. x 540 in., all multiples of 9.

23. When the cubit dimensions of the Ark Of The Covenant (Exodus 25:10) are converted to inches the measurements are 45 in. x 27 in. x 27 in., all multiples of 9.

24. The biblical book of Revelations (chapt. 21) speaks of a great “city” to come to earth from out of the sky. It is called the New Jerusalem. The city is described as a cube, exactly 12,000 furlongs in all directions. No, 12,000 doesn’t reduce to 9. However, converted to the english foot, this equals 7,920,000 feet, which does reduce to 9.

25. The word ENLIGHTENMENT is the only word in the English language in which the letters E-I-G-H-T-E-E-N appear in that order (Lyons, The Language Crystal,1988)

26. It has often been said the game of baseball is a metaphor for life. The game does have several connections to the number 9. There are 9 players on a team. The bases are 90 feet apart. There are 9 innings to a regular game. There are probably more, but I kind of like this rather obscure one: The Knickerbocker Baseball Club drafted the rules extablishing the 9-player team in 1845. 1+8+4+5=18 (1+8=9 )!

27. A man named Carl Munck has developed a geomathematical grid (latitude and longitude) system where the prime meridian runs through the center of the Great Pyramid at Giza. This grid system links all of the known ancient stone monuments on earth with the anomalous, possibly artificial structures in the cydonia region of Mars. Munck’s formula identifies the “grid point value” for the Great Sphinx as 5400. (Information regarding Carl Munck’s geo-mathematical grid formula can be accessed on the internet at http://www.greatdreams.com/gem1.htm. This is the web site of a small group of researchers known as The Code Gang, of which I am a member.

28. According to Michael Lawrence Morton, one of the Code Gang, the known arc distance on Earth from Pole to equator is exactly 5400 nautical miles.

29. Also from M. L. Morton, the polar circumference of Earth is 21,600 nautical miles. He notes also that according to Munck’s earth grid formula, 21,600 is the precise Grid Latitude of Stonehenge.

30. And again from M.L.M., 7920 is the number of statute miles of the mean diameter of Earth.

31. The number 144 is the Gematrian equivalent for “light”.

32. Revelation 13:18, Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and the number is Six hundred threescore and six (666). However, according to Lawrence William Lyons, the word for “a man” in the original Greek is anthropos, also used to mean “mankind”. And no article “a” appears in the Greek text. Further, the word for “his” in “his number is” can be read as “its” implying no gender. So the Bible may say that 666 is the number of “humanity” or “mankind” (Lyons, The Language Crystal).

33. In order to become a Zen Master, one must solve 54 koans, or puzzles which require deep insight and enlightenment (Ibid.).

34. Many Buddhists and Hindus wear sets of 108 beads (Ibid.).

35. The mystic American Indian, Black Elk, in Black Elk Speaks, said he had “The Great Vision” at 9 and “was no good for anything till 18″ (Ibid.).

36. Lyons also reports that, according to the World Book Encyclopedia, the average speed of the Earth in its orbit around the sun is 666 miles per hour (Ibid.).

37. In Einstein’s formula we see E=M(C^2). That’s Mass (M) multiplied by the Speed Of Light squared (C^2). Is it just coincidence that if we replace the M and C with their reduced numerological equivalents, respectively 4 (M) and 3 (C), and perform the mathematical function we get 36, which also reduces to 9? Or, here’s something interesting: If we alter that equation to read E=MC squared, we get E=144, which reduces to 9 and is the traditional Gematrian equivalent for “light”. Synchronistically, the english alphanumerological value of the phrase SPEED OF LIGHT is 126 which also reduces to 9.

John Lennon believed that the number 9 affected everything in his life. He and son Sean shared a birthday of 9 October. Future manager Brian Epstein first attended a Beatles concert at the Cavern in Liverpool on 9 November 1961 and clinched a record deal with Emi on 9 May 1962 . the group’s first record, “Love Me Do” was on Parlophone 4949. Lennon met Yoko Ono on 9 November 1966 and thought that it significant that their New York apartment was on West 72 nd street and their Dakota home was no.72 (7+2 = 9). Similarly, he placed great store by the fact that, as a student, he had taken the no.72 bus from his home to Liverpool Art College . The fixation sometimes manifested itself in his songs which included such titles as “Number 9 Dream”, Revolution 9″ and “One After 909″, written at his mother’s house – 9 Newcastle Road , Wavertree. Lennon was shot dead by Mark Chapman late on the evening of 8 December 1980 in New York but the five-hour time difference meant that it was 9 December in Liverpool . His body was taken to the Roosevelt Hospital on Ninth Avenue .