Where do you sit?

Ghora. It means darkness. The darkness of ignorance. Aghora. That means…light. The absence of ignorance. Aghora. The absence of darkness. Under the tree of knowledge, there is an Aghori. A practitioner of Aghora. A follower of that path. He has gone beyond ignorance thanks to the flame of knowledge.

The flame of knowledge dances from a funeral pyre. The funeral pyre…is…the ultimate reality. A continual reminder that everyone has to die.
Knowledge of the ultimate reality of death has taken the Aghori beyond the eight snares of existence. Lust, anger, greed, delusion, envy, shame, disgust and fear. Those things bind all beings. They bind us all.

The Aghori is astonished by the uselessness of a limited existence. Knowing the whole world to be within herself though she is not in this world.

She is bewildered. She is bewildered to think that all is within her, not external to her. She sees not with her physical eyes, but with the eyes of perception. The sense of perception. The flame of knowledge, that which preserves life.
The eternal flame of the funeral pyre.

Divine Delirium. Thats what I call it.

Is it you that you see when you stare into the mirror? Is that who you are? Do YOU encapsulate that image, that face deeply staring back at you with tears streaming down its cheeks? Are you simply..a reflection?
Divine Delirium. Thats what I call it.

For the past two days, there is nothing I have thought about more than this movie. A lot of people dont like it, wont like it…because they dont understand. You know, they always say…”Think with someone, and they will love you..make them think, and they will hate you.” This movie is sort of like that. It raised so many questions for me..about life, death, rebirth, existence.

The sky plays a major role in every religion. EVERY religion. The sky. Our creator comes from the sky..or so we are told.
This is true. In a very primitive sense, of course. Human origins have been found in exploding stars. Star dust. Our life cycles are the same as stars. Fetal, childhood to adulthood, middle age, then death.

In Mayan mythology, their underworld..where souls went to die and be reborn was called Xibalba. This is more commonly referred to as Orions Nebula. Orions Nebula is a Nebula where new stars are born…all of the time.

Its starting to make more sense to me. We come from up there. We probably go back up there.

I was raised Southern Baptist. I went to church every Sunday, and every Wednesday. On Wednesday nights I went to a Church of Christ with my babysitter and her family. See, my mom worked overtime on Wednesdays and my babysitters daughter was my best friend so..id have dinner with them, then go to church. I loved church. It was fun, it was social..but one day I woke up and I realized that despite my deep love and affection for the tradition id had in my life, going to church…..I didnt believe a word of it.

Let me tell you, it takes A LOT to turn away from the faith youve been raised in. It takes A LOT to turn from that tradition, something you have always been taught is right, and something you are familiar with and something you have been taught not to question. It takes an amazing amount of very deep self reflection and self psycho analyzing to decide that something you have told by your mother, father, grandmother, friends, family is right, and is the ONLY way, may not be the only way and not only that but that you not only dont believe in it, but dont want to be a devotee of that religion any longer because it is not fulfilling you in any way, and is leaving you with a spiritual void.

There are so many commonalities among humans. I think that spiritual journey is one of them. And, it doesnt matter what religion, or what spirituality…but just that JOURNEY of wanting to be in union with the divine..is such a commonality among human beings because most of us, even if we dont believe, are searching for something higher than the self. It is an innate part of human nature, I believe, anyway.

It was a difficult decision to sever my ties with any religious labels I put upon myself as a child out of tradition, out of familiarity, but, it was even harder to label myself with my newfound religion.

I became a devotee of Shiva. A faith that is literally, quite foreign. It was difficult to tell people of my religion because I knew I wouldnt be taken seriously. A white, American, devotee of Shiva. Shiva is a “Hindu” God. I just refer to him as my “ishta deva”..my personal God, my chosen God.

Just because I came to the realization that I didnt believe in Christianity, and that I didnt find my spiritual home there..certainly doesnt mean that I hate Christianity. Its quite the opposite, I love it, and I have studied it in depth ever since I left the religion.
I still have a deep affinity for Jesus Christ, he just isnt my chosen deity. I dont really find…anything that I feel connects me to him.

I love to talk to people about their faith. I like to see why they believe they way they do. We are human beings and everything we do has a motive behind it, generally, there is some reward..we do something because we feel or we believe we will be rewarded for it. Many people belong to certain religions because they believe they will be rewarded in the afterlife and so forth and so on.

So, the questions I ask most people..and anyone whos reading this..id love to hear the answers you guys have (dont worry im not going to debate you about them. this isnt a theological debate, its just me wanting to learn about other people).

1. What do you believe? That means, what religion to you belong to?
2. Were you raised in this religion, or was it a faith that you came back home to in your later years?
3. Why do you believe in this faith? Do you believe it offers you some sort of spiritual solace? Some instructions for spiritual advancement? Enlightenment?
4. What made you choose this faith, over all the others..what do you feel your faith or religion has…that others dont?
5. Have you studied your religion any? Read the sacred texts, etc? If not, why not? If so, which did you read and what did you take away from it?

My own answers to my own questions:
1. I am a devotee of Lord Shiva. Shiva is a “Hindu” God. I have identified as being a “Hindu” for many years now, but more recently, I prefer the term Shaiva. My religion is Saiva Darshan. Shaivism.
2. I was raised Southern Baptist. I became a devotee of Shiva when I was around 14 or so.
3. When I started to worship Shiva and learn everything that went along with it, I found a part of myself that I loved. That I was at peace with. That I found shelter with. All of this inside of myself, inner peace, inner solace. I learned that I was not separate from God, that I was the same and could achieve that union IN life. Eastern religion offers extreme spiritual advancement in ways that are theologically extremely different than Western religion.
4. I chose this faith because I felt safe within it. It offers ME PERSONALLY things that other faiths do not.
5. Ive studied my religion, and other religions in depth. I have read a number of Hindu holy books, the Gita, the Sama Veda, Rg Veda, Iso Upanishad, Ramayana and a few others. I still have a long way to go though. Ive also read the Bible, cover to cover multiple times as well as the Quran, twice, cover to cover.

Yesterday was quite a turbulent day for me. For the past…many, many years I have believed in and practiced Hinduism but have never actively thrown myself into the Hindu community out of fear of rejection due to my race, and my culture. My race is not their race, and my culture is not their culture. You see, in the society I live in, the American society, we are so disgustingly unaccepting of others, and others cultures and races that I applied that American custom, to their society also. Boy, was I wrong. Here, in America, if you are different..in many ways, lets say, you practice a different religion, you look different, or you are a different race…you are singled out, picked on, and made a joke out of. You are pushed away instead of welcomed.

I was afraid of that same treatment if I went to the temple and willingly subjected myself as a minority. Now, I have been to the temple two other times. Once I just went and I was very welcomed by an old, old, OLD man who taught me the correct way to pray, then I took two friends to the celebration of Navaratri and to be honest..I had no clue what was going on that night.

So, as a Shaivite, I woke up yesterday morning with one worry on the brain. To go, or not to go. So, without further ado…I WENT! Yes, Soda and I were the ONLY white people there. But, no one looked at us weird, no one gave two fucking shits about our race, or our culture. We were welcomed with open arms and I even got a SPONSORED PUJA. Yes. Me. I went up, in front of everyone, with the priest and performed puja, aarati, everything. It was so great.

There were like one hundred people there, it was total chaos, no one cared what anyone else was doing..unlike church where youre made to sit down, shut up, and listen to some old dude talk about shit you dont care about. It was AMAZING.

I think this sums it all up:

This is a bulletin a friend posted on myspace.
I made a personal response to this bulletin that I will post below, AFTER I post the original bulletin. Heres the original:

Body: Why do we ((sleep)) in [[school]],

But stay ((awake)) through a [[3 hour movie]]?
Why is it so ((hard)) to talk about [[God]],
but so ((easy)) to talk about [[sex]]?
Why are we so ((bored)) when we look at a [[Christian magazine]],
but find it ((easy)) to read [[Playboy]]?
Why is it so easy to ((ignore)) a [[Godly]] myspace bulletin,
Yet we ((repost)) the [[nasty]] ones?
Why are ((churches)) getting [[smaller]],
But ((bars and clubs)) are [[expanding]]?
Why is it so easy to purchase {beer} and {drugs}?
But so hard to donate 25 cents for a {Charity}?
Why is it so easy to worship a {Celebrity}?
But very difficult to engage with {God}?
Think about it, are you going to repost this?
Are you going to ignore it, cause you think you’ll get laughed at?
Repost this as “dont read if ur immature ….seriously”
80 % of you wont repost this.
The Lord said:
“If you deny me in front of your friends, I will deny you in front of my Father

And, my response ^_^ :
This was in my bulletin box! All due respect goes to the people who believe in Christianity, Jesus, and all things Abrahmic, however, some of us do not. So, I will gladly answer the questions posed in this bulletin from my perspective!

Everything I type will be inbetween ::::these::::

Body: Why do we ((sleep)) in [[school]], :::Because our education system is so underfunded and primitive there are no new, innovative, interactive and INTERESTING ways to teach school. In order to learn something, one has to be interested in it. Schools do not make anything interesting for the students, therefore, they dont learn:::

But stay ((awake)) through a [[3 hour movie]]? :::Because it is interesting and it holds our interest, unlike school.:::

Why is it so ((hard)) to talk about [[God]], ::::I dont find it hard to talk about God at all, its just that, living in the buckle of the Bible belt, the idea of “God” and what “God” is, is very very narrow and trapped inside of an ages old box that no one here has the willpower or the bravery to break open. People are indirectly forced to blindly believe in something and never challenge it. I challenge things. I challenge man made ideals about what God is. I challenge the beliefs and the believers of a man made religion. Christianity is a man made religion. Most Christians havent the slightest idea about the true history of Christianity and condemn you to hell before you can even begin to try and teach it to them, yet they are so quick to “witness” their misguided truths to you.::

but so ((easy)) to talk about [[sex]]? :::There is absolutely nothing wrong with sex. Sex is a natural occurrence, a human NEED, just like sleeping or eating. A positive, healthy sex life has positive physical and mental benefits. In our society, sex is either talked about in a negative way..or not talked about at all. There is no positive sex education here, only sexual miseducation. American mass media fills our youths heads full of sexual ideas about how a woman should look, how much she should weigh, how a man should treat her. American mass media essentially fucks up our ideas about beauty and sex from a very young age. Sex NEEDS to be talked about.:::

Why are we so ((bored)) when we look at a [[Christian magazine]], ::::Because I find the same ol rehashed “modern” Christian babble to be the most boring, false dribble ive ever read in my life. Now, if a Christian magazine one day decided to write articles about the first Ecumenical Councils, the Council of Nicea, The Great Schism, etc..then I would LOVE to read them. But they dont, they are filled with simple minded propaganda…they are filled with myths to manipulate the masses.:::

but find it ((easy)) to read [[Playboy]]? ::::I dont know anyone who even reads Playboy, but, I could say that this is a direct outcome of the moronic ideas the American Mass Media pumps into the minds of our youth regarding ideas of sexuality and beauty.:::

Why is it so easy to ((ignore)) a [[Godly]] myspace bulletin, ::: I am not ignoring this one. However, most “Godly” bulletins are filled with simple ideas from one viewpoint. Simple “CHRISTIAN” ideas. I am neither simple, nor Christian.:::

Yet we ((repost)) the [[nasty]] ones? :::I dont repost any nasty bulletins but I could definitely say that this is also a direct repercussion of what mass media is instilling into our youths:::

Why are ((churches)) getting [[smaller]],::::Because people are coming to their senses and realizing that NOTHING taught in modern American “Christianity” has anything to do with real early Christianity and, in fact, keeps true Christianity under wraps because it promotes individuality and deep spirituality. What is taught in church now is a product of MAN. It has nothing to do with God. Read your history.::::

But ((bars and clubs)) are [[expanding]]? ::::Because as human beings, we desire pleasure. Its not that bars and clubs are the only things that can give us pleasure..spirituality and God can also give us pleasure. However, some of us simply arent satisfied with the same rehashed crap pulverized into our brains over and over and over again. There is a LIMITLESS amount of knowledge that exists within this mass consciousness. What the MEN who preach “Christianity” in this modern world would LIKE me to believe as truth, well, I know otherwise and I am not dumb enough to simply believe it blindly without questioning, studying, and doing my research. Anyway..whats wrong with bars and clubs?:::

Why is it so easy to purchase {beer} and {drugs}? ::::Why shouldnt it be? Who says these things are wrong? We are human beings, we desire pleasure. One does not have to relate the consumption of alcohol and drugs to God, but they also CAN be related and have been for centuries. As a matter of fact, throughout history many cultures have consumed alcohol and drugs as a means to build a bridge TO God and TO the divine. The Mazatec Indians use Salvia, the Bwitists use Iboga, Native American Tribes use a multitude of entheogens, “Soma” from The Vedas is thought to be the Amanitas Muscaria mushroom, different species of mushrooms are also used by natives of Papua New Guinea. Research is being conducting now among scholars who believe that the “manna” referred to in the Old Testament was actually Psylocibin Mushrooms (P. cubensis). The physical descriptions of Manna, as well as the cultivation and harvesting methods described in the Bible are identical to those of Psilocybin Mushrooms(P. cubensis). Manna means “Bread of the Gods” just as the Mayan word TEONANACATL, the Greek word AMBROSIA, the Sanskrit word SOMA, which all describe Psylocibin Mushrooms of varying species, but mostly P. cubensis, which are still consumed today. It is social stigma and moral subjectivity which have made “drugs” a bad thing, and in may circumstances if not used correctly they can be bad. But, if used negatively…what ISNT bad? “Beer and drugs” may be looked upon by modern society as completely bad and separate from God..but who is to dictate that, really?:::

But so hard to donate 25 cents for a {Charity}? ::::I have never personally come across someone who would not donate 25cents to charity, but perhaps this could be due to the outing of many charities as false. The news that so many so called “charities” dont really donate the money to just causes at all, but pocket the money. Perhaps in todays society greed has gone so far to everyones head that no one knows who to trust.:::

Why is it so easy to worship a {Celebrity}? ::::Again, this completely has to do with the subliminal brainwashing of the masses by the American Mass Media.:::

But very difficult to engage with {God}? :::Because most people are not educated about God. In this country, people are only given one view of God, one definition. They grow up Christian, are familiar with it, and due to all of the fire and brimstone threats they are afraid to question it or look elsewhere. If I was taught that God could possibly condemn me, his own creation, his creation created in likeness of him, to a lifetime of suffering in hell, I would find it very hard to talk to him too.:::

Think about it, are you going to repost this? :::I most definitely am.:::

Are you going to ignore it, cause you think you’ll get laughed at? :::Most certainly not. I hope that I will educate someone by reposting this:::

Repost this as “dont read if ur immature ….seriously” :::No. I will repost it as something different.:::

80 % of you wont repost this.

I would absolutely LOVE to see someone post a rebuttal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

I just came across this radio interview with a man named Larry Nichols who worked alongside Bill Clinton for a very long time inside of the Government. And, Wow. Just. Wow. The things said in this interview are absolutely insane. You have to hear it.

http://www.nw0.info/files/Radio/Alex%20Jones%20Radio%20Archive/2008/February/aj_2008-02-07.mp3

Let it load all the way, and then skip to about the center…listen for a man with a raspy voice. The things that the Clintons have been doing throughout their political career…whew. My, my, my.  I know that recently there is a lot of talk about the church Obama belongs to…that is a grain of salt in the ocean in comparison to the shit that will be heard here. Larry Nichols is an ex special forces CIA operative who worked with the Clintons until he found out that Cocaine was being imported via Mena, Arkansas. He talks about that, he talks about the murder of a farmer whos daughter Bill Clinton was fucking, the farmer was gonna go public with the affair…I mean..its crazy shit. Really sad. These are an extremely corrupt people. There is a part of me that feels sorry that Hillary is involved in this, but thats just it..she IS a part of all of this. My reasons for disliking her before were trivial, menial. Silly. As a matter of fact, I liked her and hoped that she could possibly be vice president. Not anymore. The Clintons need to be kept out of office.

Tonight, I was talking to a friend of mine who has been having some struggles with depression lately. Now, most of you who know me are probably saying “uh oh!” hahaha. I suffered with depression every minute of my teenage life. I was diagnosed as Bipolar Disorder/Manic Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (which turned into Panic Disorder just a little less than a year ago) at a very young age. This was something that, in time, I learned to celebrate. I know, that sounds weird, right? Well…it is a part of who I am and everything that has made me who I am is worth celebrating. Not just the good stuff, but the bad stuff too because those things taught me some extremely important lessons.
I know how hard depression can be. Chemical or situational..its very rough. I have grown much bigger than my Bipolar Disorder. This in no way means that I do not feel depressed anymore, or that I do not ever feel manic anymore. It just means that I have learned to identify my symptoms and work through them. Not everyone is this lucky.

Now, with all of that said..I do not EVER party with the pity partyers. I do not sugar coat things for them, I do not give in to their pity partying. I dont party with ‘em. I am not going to oblige them. Theres no reason to. That isnt help. They dont need someone to say “ohhh oh my gosh, I am like, sooo sorry, you poor baby.” That shit doesnt help. It makes them worse, it makes them wanna cry some more. They need a fat hit of reality, even if it sounds completely rude. It doesnt mean I dont care, it doesnt mean they cant cry on my shoulder. It just means im NOT GONNA LIE. Reality doesnt lie.

So, onto the point of my story. I was conversing with a friend of mine who has had some problems with depression recently. I think that he is also dealing with quite a bit of self pity. I was just suggesting things that could possibly make him feel better and it hit me..MASSAGE! Its called massage THERAPY for a reason. I told him “You need to go get a massage! It will make you feel soooooo much better. The power of human touch is A-MAZING!”
His response was:

heh thers only one person ill let touch me and that a significate other lmao (sic)

My response to this was “Wow. Thats really fucking stupid. No offense.” Lmfao. Dont you love it when someone says something completely offensive and then says “no offense” at the end? I am guilty as charged on that one, over, and over, and over again. Yeah, anyway…I said “Dont ever underestimate the power of human touch. Its extremely powerful. Immensely powerful. There is NO need to sexualize human contact. Human contact is essential to our mental and physical health.”
So he said”

lol i guess you can see it that way but growing up without affection, if a female puts her hand on me my heart will flutter and if a guy does he must want to get hit (sic)

My response was “Guess what? Thats part of being human.” He told me that touch is a very personal thing to him. Well, touch is a personal thing to everyone, as it should be, because it is very powerful, however, just because something is personal or even sacred…that doesnt mean that it should be reserved and hidden. Not to mention that one would think that if someone is depressed and has stated verbally that they hate the way they feel and they want to feel differently…they would be willing to try just about anything. I supplied him with a few links about the power of human touch.

He says:

well ill just keep having logic failures and wait to be touched untill i find someon (sic)
well i grew up without a father, my mom maybe hugged me twice, and my bother and sister were much younger than me, and we moved all the time. what does this have to do with anything. maybe having touch from anyone other than who i want it from feels rather alien like a guinnee pig running up your pants(sic)

Now, here is where I will discontinue the conversation between my friend and I and get into my rant. There is no reason why being touched by someone should feel alien. Now, I realize that there could be trauma in many peoples lives that changes the way they feel about being touched and this is not what im talking about. That is a whole different situation that you wont find me discussing here.
In our “advanced” Western society, it feels alien to us to be touched by another human being that is not someone we are fucking. This simply is not the way things should be. We have forgotten about one another. We have forgotten how important it is to just hug each other once in a while. In a society that is so technologically advanced, we have abandoned ourselves spiritually. We have been left to fend for ourselves alone in this world, without the aid of our brothers and sisters because we have sexualized the human body and human touch so much that it has become taboo to embrace someone when they desperately need it. If two men hug, they are “gay” (as if being gay is some horribly negative thing). If two women hug, all the sudden they are lesbians who were only put upon this Earth as sexual objects of perverted 40+ year old mens desire. Its absolutely devastating that we have been so thoroughly brainwashed into abandoning each other. There are societies that have existed upon this earth for centuries that have entire medicinal arts based solely upon touch and the energy that is passed between two humans when they touch. There are martial arts based completely on the energy that flows throughout everything in our universe, including our own bodies.

The benefits of human touch are not only hailed in “alternative” Eastern medicinal practices, but in our own Western medicine as well.

I hate that our society has put such sexualized stigmas and taboos on touching each other. The positive energy passed between two human beings when they exchange touch is so powerful, it is love and I think that it is painfully obvious that our world needs as much love as possible right now. Hug someone today. Hug someone that you normally would not hug, I can PROMISE you that it will not only make your day, but it will make theirs too!

If you guys would like to learn more about how essential touch is, check out the following links:
Pleasure/Power
WebMB Power of human touch.
Reiki using human touch

^_^

So, the other day I got an email saying the following:

Hi–My name is ~~~~, and I saw your posting about converting to Hinduism on Beliefnet. I’m a writer doing a story for ~~~ about women who found their faith or converted religions, and I was wondering if you’d be interested in talking. I’ll be profiling six women from a variety of backgrounds and religions about their experiences–how they came to their spirituality, what their faith gives them and so on, and I would love to talk with someone about Hinduism in particular.

If you are interested, you can email me here at ~~~~~, or give me a call at ~~~~~ Or–if you know of another person who might be interested in being included, please let me know.

Also, could you let me know which part of the country you’re from? (We’re looking for geographic diversity.)

Thanks so much in advance, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours,

~~~~~~

I thought it was pretty cool. I am still kinda skeptical so I have not included any names or the name of the magazine. I did look up the magazine on google and its a national magazine. Its a typical womans magazine targeted towards women in their late twenties, early thirties and into their fourties. Homemaking, inspirational stories, etc. So, im gonna go to Walmart later and see if they carry the magazine there and also look for the guys name inside the mag where it gives writer and editor credits and all that.

Anyways I emailed the guy my story and he emailed me back and said that my age might be a problem, because I am young and the magazine is targeted towards women in their late 20s and onward but he said after hearing my story he thinks the editors will really like it and if they do and everything works out ill be interviewed by phone and they will send a photographer out to photograph me.

ISNT THAT COOL??? Ill update.

I used to have anger problems.

Used to. Seriously. I dont have them anymore. Suddenly, at some point in my life, I became a very complacent, mellow person.

So, I started thinking this morning and I visited a time in my life where I was consumed with anger. I cant manifest those feelings inside of myself anymore. It wont happen. Believe me, thats a GOOD thing.
I realized, on the toilet, that I am a very spiritually advanced human being. Especially for my age. I was also told by a very good tarot reader that I am beyond spiritually advanced and I need to fine tune my psyche. I totally believe her.

Anyways…somewhere between there and here I became very unattached with the negative parts of my mind. The hatred and the anger just started to fade away so fast that I didnt even realize it. Life is life..is life is life. I used anger as a mechanism to TRY and control situations I was in. It took about 19 years before I realized that it never ever worked. Being angry and acting out in anger just never REALLY put me in control of the situation. The minute I let the anger take hold was the minute I had entirely lost control of what was happening in my life.
When I stopped caring, I stopped being an angry person.
Things in my life started to unfold and I began to understand that I cannot control life. Life and reality is a separate thing from me. I cannot be so attached to it that I strive to control it.
Nothing makes me angry anymore. I mean, I get mad, sure..everyone does, but, it doesnt last. Its not something that makes a mark on my soul because I am not attached to the emotion. The energy that I want surrounding me is not negative energy.

My boyfriend and I argue and he always says it seems like I dont care. I dont care that we are arguing and I dont care that hes upset. Thats not true. I do care. I am just unattached from the part of my brain that used to make me angry and that used to make me try and control and manipulate the situation into something I strived for it to be.

I have found now, that I am in more control than ever. Its a very Buddhist thing of me to say..but its true.
Disconnecting myself has put me in control. Hm.

[Edit]

I wanted to add a couple of things…before I have to start cleaning and doing adult shit…
Spirituality matters to me because it will be the only thing I carry with me upon my death. Thats not the ONLY reason my spirituality matters so much to me. I believe either you are born a spiritual being, or you are not. Sometimes as children, religion is imposed upon us and I believe thats wrong, however, if you are born a spiritual being you will always come back full circle. You may be raised a Christian and because of that religion being forced upon you, you feel animosity and hatred for that faith, and you leave it, but because you need God the minute you leave the Christian church you start a spiritual journey that will last a lifetime and it will come full circle for you, and by that time, you will be a fully realized spiritual being who understands that no religion is the right religion, and no God is the right God, but that every faith is the right faith and every God is the true God.

When I listen to Kill Em All, by Metallica…

It makes me feel like I have God like Metal Powers and I want to go around town picking up random Americans gas guzzling SUVs and start throwing them into the windows of department stores. All while headbanging and drinking a huge bottle of vodka.