I swore I was going to write more here. But, I still find myself blocked and not knowing what to write about. See, I feel like every time I write, I have to write about something profound and deep. I forget that I dont have to write anything profound, or deep. That this is my journal. Just a place for me to shoot the shit and talk about whatever I want.

I checked my comments and I had one from someone ive never seen here before. They called themselves “J” and obviously did not want to be identified. They talked a bit about my Methadone treatment and offered some friendly advice. Id like to take a minute to respond to their comment.

J,
Thank you for the well wishes. I need them, and I appreciate them.

I learned quickly not to find friends in my fellow Methadone patients. I didnt learn from anyone teaching me, I learned because I have half of a brain and once I listened to what a lot of these people were talking about, I completely realized there were no friends to be found there. It does sound a bit ruthless, but sometimes the truth hurts and it does not take a genius to figure out where these people are. Dont get me wrong, I am certainly not saying I am any better than any of them…because I am NO better than any of them. I just know me and I have to focus on MY goals and MY treatment and MY recovery. Call me selfish, but I have to be.

I do a lot of things now, that I didnt do before when I was on dope. Most of it having everything to do with getting and doing things for myself with money that I just couldnt get and do when I was using Heroin on a daily basis. I have always loved to read and I am finding myself spending an amazing amount of money on books at the used book store. I love it.

There are a lot of people who do not get off of Methadone for a very very long time. I dont know what their goals were when starting Methadone, but I cannot judge them…I dont know their stories. Like I said up there, I cannot focus on anyone but me.

Im already higher than 40mg. 40mg did not even get rid of withdrawal symptoms for me. I have a dose that I refuse to go higher than, and I have an estimated time I would prefer to stay on the program and an estimated time for when I would prefer to start tapering down and eventually get off.

Once I am off, I have no interest in getting a Bupe prescription. Once I am finished, I would prefer to be finished for good. If I find that its too hard, well, I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I am living moment to moment, and for the first time in a very very long time, I can genuinely say that I am happy.

Thank you again, J! Send positive vibes my way. All these positive vibes people are sending really are working for me.

Anyhow….
I figured I would write a quick treatment update too…but I think my words to J may have covered it. Every thing is going really, really well. Im still experiencing some symptoms with the Methadone and I am not up to my stable dose yet, but will be by the end of this week and from there I will ride it out until I feel im ready to stop.

I have to talk about this for a minute.
There has been a REAL problem in my household for the past 4 or 5 days or so. Soda, apparently, is not flushing the toilet correctly. I noticed this problem about 4 days ago I guess because at least once a day when I would go take a piss, the toilet would not flush and it would almost back up. So, I get out the plunger and I start plunging my happy ass off with my panties around my ankles and what happens?

**WARNING**
Before I continue, I felt the need to post a disclaimer. If you think that normal bodily functions and normal human behaviors are sick and should be kept private, then do not continue reading. Ok, ok, if SHIT, POOP, HUMAN FECES offends you..then DO NOT READ THIS SHIT…uh..no pun intended.

….So, have you guessed what happens yet? Well, ill tell you. Shit and tons, and tons of toilet paper comes up. Not my shit. Not my toilet paper. No. Not mine. Sodas.
This confused me at first for one main reason…
I thought that Soda didnt use enough toilet paper to wipe his ass. In fact, this was something I always bitched about…but he always vehemently denied. I guess he was right. He most certainly DOES wipe his ass thoroughly, so thoroughly that every time he shits, he stops up the toilet and doesnt say a damn thing to me about it so that when I go in there to piss…the toilet will damn near overflow and ill my ankle deep in shit stew.

I dont know WHY all of the sudden hes stopping the toilet up. I know he is not doing it on purpose. But, I also know that once hes figured out hes stopped the toilet up, he is just not saying anything about it to me so that when I go in there to piss, I wont be able to flush and I will think that I AM THE ONE who stopped it up. Thus relieving him of all the pressure. This dont fool me, though. This has happened at least once everyday this week. When I caught on to what was happening, that Soda obviously was not courtesy flushing, I confronted him about it and told him he needs to start courtesy flushing because every time I go piss I end up having to plunge his turds and massive amounts of toilet paper out of the toilet so that the toilet will flush the next time one of us uses it.
He had never even HEARD of courtesy flushing. I told him to flush during the turd coming out, then once after its come out, then after he wipes. So thats three flushes. I told him to flush three times when he shits.

So, when I went to the bathroom around mid-day today I was fully expecting to be able to sit and enjoy my tinkle, flush, wash my hands, and walk out of the bathroom feeling like a new woman. So much for wishful thinking. When I flushed and I saw those turd remnants and pieces of toilet paper floating around in my urine…I tried to convince myself that maybe I had pooped without knowing it because if I faced the fact that Soda had ONCE AGAIN stopped the fucking toilet up…I was going to punch a hole in the wall.

I know most of you are thinking “why didnt you just get him to plunge it?” Well, I will answer that.
He makes a huge fucking mess when he plunges because he doesnt do it properly. He basically just stirs his shit stew. He doesnt plunge, he makes dinner (yuck!). So I do it.

So, anyway, I went storming, stomping into the living room screaming “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR SHIT???? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR SHIT???” And he looks at me puzzled and I say: “I know you fully realize you are stopping up the toilet, how is this happening? Are you not flushing like I told you to?” He tells me that hes scared to flush now because hes scared its going to overflow.
I said: “Listen, next time you shit, you get in there and you flush while youre shitting like flushings going out of style. You flush before you shit, you flush while youre shitting, you flush when that first turd hits the water, and you flush before every other turd hits the water and after. I dont care if you drop 18 turds you flush during and after each one, and you flush after each wipe. FLUSH, FLUSH, FLUSH. I am SICK of going to take a piss only to find out youve SHIT in the toilet and stopped it up again!!!!” Then I ran to the bathroom and grabbed the wet plunger (it was wet from me washing it off…not from the icky stew hahaahah but he didnt know that) and started to wave it around him, he screamed like a little girl and hid himself under the covers.

Thats what I thought. Next time, it will REALLY be turd water. I think its time he got acquainted with some turd water. Hell, I know I have over the last week. If he stops that damn toilet up one more time its HIS TURN.

If I notice him in the bathroom shitting, im going to start banging on the door screaming “FLUSH! FLUSH! FLUSH!” when he least expects it lmao. Just thinking about scaring him by doing that cracks me up. Im serious though. I would record it too if I didnt think that was a serious invasion of privacy.

Ill keep you guys updated on this shitty situation xD.

Theres a new Dear Abbie.

Dear Abbie,
My boyfriend stops up the toilet every time he has a bowel movement and doesnt tell me about it in hopes that I will think I did it when I go to tinkle and the toilet doesnt flush. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Leslie.