Alright. Quick background info real quick.

My dad was married once before he married my mother. That marriage resulted in a daughter, Kate, who is 28 years old. When I was about 7 or so, maybe younger, Kates mother dropped Kate off on our doorstep..literally, and expected my father to take care of her after years and years of her mother not even letting my father speak to her. I guess her mother had gotten sick of her or some shit, I dont know.

Well, needless to say her living with us didnt last long. She went back to her moms within a few months and I didnt speak to her again until I was like 14 years old. She briefly came around to visit me and my father and then as quick as she came..she left once again.

So…about two months ago or something like that..I dunno, two or three months ago..I found her on Myspace and I added her as my friend. We sent a few messages back and forth and then she stopped messaging me and I didnt send her any messages. At the time I was doing heroin everyday and frankly, heroin was a lot more important than trying to keep in touch with her. That is my fault. I should have kept in better touch.

HOWEVER…today, I sign onto Myspace and shes sent me the following message:
“Question….how come you would find me, add me, and then disappear?”

I just told her that I had been dealing with a lot and I apologize if she thinks I have disappeared but I was in the same place all along and could have easily been reached the same way she had just reached me.
But, I WANTED to say:
Look, bitch, you are one to talk about disappearing when you fucking “disappeared” two times in my life. We talked on myspace and if you really gave two fucking shits you could have sent me more than the two messages you initially sent me. Theres no way I could have “disappeared” when we were only talking on MYSPACE and you could send me messages any fucking time you wanted to and I would have gladly replied. Sure, I dont get on myspace as much as I used to..but I would get the god damn messages and I would reply. Not to mention..hmm, lets see…
I am a heroin addict and I got busted a month ago in an undercover sting operation so I am currently dealing with the legal repercussions from that all while trying to get treatment for my heroin addiction and not go back to using illegally.

But thats none of her god damn business.
FUCK her.

Sodas mom is NOT invited to our wedding.  Shes a wench. I think thats probably a pretty accurate term to describe her. I dont think that I have ever PERSONALLY known a “mother” who has been so uncaring, unsympathetic and nonsupporting of their child as her. I dont know. Its a big long mess that im really, really not going into right now. I have never met her, and Soda has made sure of that for three years and for a while..it offended me. I wanted to meet her and I wanted her to be a part of our lives, but after tonight..I completely understand why he has kept us apart and there isnt a bone in my body that wants to meet this woman.

She basically throws his and I’s relationship into the dirt every chance she can get, even though she doesnt know me..and hasnt ever met me, just because she has some sick reverse Oedipus complex and shes never been able to maintain a meaningful relationship and it just eats her up and her son has something she could never have and that there is another woman taking care of her son (AND DAMN GOOD FUCKING CARE YOU GOD DAMNED BITCH). Well, I hate to break it to the cunt but…she never took care of her son. Soda says that the problem lies in the fact that he isnt growing up to “be someone” or “be what she thought he would be” or “be successful” well, ive got one big question for her..what the fuck have you done in your life? Youve never even worked a decent job long enough to halfway take care of him and his WHOLE life..hes NEVER ASKED YOU FOR ANYTHING. NOTHING.  Hes loved you, and tried to have a relationship with you for years and all you do is belittle him. Ive got news for you, when you have a child, that child is his or her own unique person. They are not an extension of you, as you seem to believe. This has led the man I love to be very sad, and very insecure with himself because the mom he had around him his whole life never gave two shits about him and acted as if she just detested him and still does.

He has made the decision to cut ties with you for the moment for this very reason. You do not make him happy. Everytime he calls you, or visits you..he comes back distraught, sad, emotional and sometimes in tears. You are a negative force in his life and tonight you finally made this very clear to him.

It really breaks my heart. My own mother loves Soda, and does so much for him. He will tell you in a heartbeat that my mother has done more for him in the three years weve been together than his mom in his whole life and that he KNOWS without a doubt that MY mother loves him, but hes not so sure if his loves him.

So, to my boyfriends mother..
Remember that every time you say he has no idea what love is. And, that we are just stupid idiots..remember that you are recalling your own failed relationship. Remember that your feelings are said in jealousy out of the fact that youve never been able to make anything work in your life. That everything you have touched has turned to shit. Remember, that you had one chance to be EVERYTHING to a little boy who needed you more than anyone in your life will ever need you and you continuously, effectively disappointed him and let him down. He says he cant remember the last time you have said an encouraging word to him. You are sad, and bitter at the shell of a woman you have become and I have to say that I derive pleasure from knowing you sit alone in your home every night and that you go to bed alone every night, and that this is the way its going to be for the rest of your life.

So, in short my dear loves mother..

FUCK YOU.

Tonight was kind of interesting. Nothing was going on as usual, I was just sitting here listing some of my virtual pets on ebay. Ive still got quite a few to get rid of, lol. Well, Soda decided he was going to call up a friend of ours and see what he was up to. Hes generally always up pretty late and he seems to always be doing something…soooo..we called him, and a different friend picked up the phone and said he was sitting in the waiting room of the ER because our friend had been rushed to the ER tonight due to a super serious asthma attack. By the time we got to the ER he had already been admitted and they were not allowing visitors so we just sat in the waiting room for a while with a couple friends, then decided to come home. He is gonna have to stay over night which, really really sucks I hope he will be ok.

Oh yeah..
Soda and I have pretty much decided on a wedding date. Saturday, June 7th.  This is not an extra special date for us..but..one of my best friends is coming down from Canada to visit me and id like to be married with everyone I love close to me. Now, keep in mind thats only a few people hahaha. Mom, Kelley, Kathryn, and Sarah. It will be quick and to the point. We will probably tattoo our wedding bands on our fingers. Soda said hes going to buy me a ring ..but im not gonna get him one. Hell just lose it. xD.

OMG. I have a serious gripe with godaddy.com. Maybe I am just a moron but..here it goes..maybe someone out there will be able to help.
About a month or so ago I decided to add the cash parking option onto two of my domains that I didnt use very often and didnt want to get rid of, but didnt have any real use for. So, I did it. Then, I changed my mind and decided I wanted at least one of the domains back (findnirvanadesigns.com) ..so, naturally, I canceled the cash parking but I forgot to change the name servers back to MY custom name servers. Its been about a month or so..and I just remembered that I wanted this domain back and wanted to try and work on it again..so I logged into godaddy and changed the nameservers back to my custom name servers, the same one this domain is on…well..
Nothing happened. The domain is STILL parked. I have no idea why this wont change. I called godaddy and they said that im gonna have to get in touch with “my cousin, host gator or whoever is hosting my domain” and have them change it (I told them my space is my cousins blah blah blah). Now, what I dont understand is..I canceled the cash parking. I changed the nameservers. WHY is there any further requirement of getting my webpage back? WHY? Someone help.