So, Kelley had a quitmeter over at her site for how long its been since shes quit smoking (almost 14 weeks!!! yayy!!) so I decided to modify mine for how long its been since ive done Heroin. I dont have quite as long as she does but im getting there.

Time Passed: 6 weeks, 23 hours, 52 seconds
Grams of Heroin not smoked: 42
Money Saved: $2,400.00US. (Im not quite sure if thats accurate, although I dont know why it wouldnt be…it just looks like a lot of money….damn).

Anyway…its like 7am. I think I am SORT of getting used to waking up at 5AM every morning. Its kinda rough. But, I have come up with a routine.
Wake up at 5am, get Sodas lunch ready for the day, wake Soda up, keep waking Soda up every 5 minutes until its 5:20 or 5:30 and then he has to rush to brush his teeth and put his uniform on so we can get out the door. He works out in the country (sorta, its definitely not in the city) and theres this little gas station, called Andersons, the only gas station around that sells BADASS breakfast foods like sausage biscuits, gravy biscuits, ham biscuits..basically heaven because its a bunch of damn biscuits and im a biscuit eater..BISCUIT! Whys it spelled like that? Id just spell it Biscut. Oh well.
So..yeah..after I drop Soda off im gonna go to Andersons and get me some home made breakfast to eat on my way home, then come home and get a few more hours of sleep.

Im at the few more hours of sleep part now. ::yawn::

I REALLY have nothing to write about. But, for once, I actually feel like writing. Go figure, the one time I really feel like writing…I have nothing to write about.

Im sitting here eating chocolate donuts. They are GOOD too.

Whew..ok…lol..I started writing this entry like 45 minutes ago. Sorry. This entries gonna be all over the place but like I said, I just feel like writing.

When I first started working for the company I am presently employed with, during the spring, summer, and fall, I would park my car somewhere downtown and walk around downtown to work, instead of driving around like I normally do. My job requires me to visit a bunch of different places during the day and the majority of those places are downtown. So, I would park my car and walk around and I had a lot of fun doing it. The exercise I got was great, and I just felt good. Ive decided that I am probably going to start walking around again because I need the exercise and I think it would just be overall…a healthy change that I could make in my life. Sure, it would take a lot longer than normal but the pros really outweigh the cons. I would use less gas, get more exercise, get some sun, etc. The only thing thats really keeping me from walking is that I dont have an mp3 player. It would be so much more fun if I could listen to my music while I walk. I brought this up to my mom and she said maybe she could get me an IPOD for my birthday. At first I didnt like the idea…but the more and more I think about it…the more and more I want a freakin IPOD! I used to think there was no need for an ipod because I had tons of CDs and therefore I had no use for one but I started thinking…
Sure, I have tons of CDs but it seems like they are constantly getting broken and thrown all over the car. If I had an ipod I could bring all of my CDs in, load them into my computer, then onto my ipod and put the CDs away here in the house and never have to use them again. Thus, eliminating all of the cds laying all over my car taking up shit tons of room…blah blah you get the picture.

So now I want one really bad hahaha. Ive been checking out all the different kinds and I would rather have an ipod classic than an ipod touch.

Kelley also found these AWESOME laptop skins. Ive found quite a few that I like. Im gonna buy one for sure so ive made a list of all the ones I like and then ill narrow it down to the one I want and buy it with some paypal money ive been saving. There are a lot of really, really badass skins on that site. They arent TOO terribly expensive either. Definitely within my budget.

Anyway…I seriously dont have anything else to write about. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my counselor at 8:30AM and then I have to go to an HIV education class and get an HIV test. So, I will be at the clinic for a lot longer than I care to be tomorrow and I need to try to go to bed by 12 or so. Last night I went to bed at 2:00AM!!!!!!! Can you fucking believe that? Ive been going to bed at like…9:00PM or 10:00PM but I made it allllll the way to 2:00AM last night! Thats when I like going to bed…no later than 3:00AM. I dont like going to bed super early but since I have to get up relatively early then of course I start getting tired super early too. But, ive figured out that I can wake up around 10:00AM and get to the clinic by 10:15 or 10:30AM and everything will be fine, its not any more packed than it is at 7:30 or 8:00AM, which is the time I normally go. Of course, the clinic closes at 11:00AM on Thursdays so on Thursdays I will have to get up by 9:00AM and make it down there…and Thursdays are normally pretty packed. So basically I am going to start waking up an hour or so later, giving myself a little longer to sleep, so that I can stay up a bit later and get my sleeping schedule on the track that I want it on. Which is going to bed anywhere from 12:00AM-3:00AM and waking up at about 9:30AM-10:00AM. Blah.

Ok. Im going to end this nonsense entry and watch some TV and do a little bit of reading. One of my favorite shows is on..its called “Most Evil” and it comes on the ID channel. You guys should check it out… ^_^

I swore I was going to write more here. But, I still find myself blocked and not knowing what to write about. See, I feel like every time I write, I have to write about something profound and deep. I forget that I dont have to write anything profound, or deep. That this is my journal. Just a place for me to shoot the shit and talk about whatever I want.

I checked my comments and I had one from someone ive never seen here before. They called themselves “J” and obviously did not want to be identified. They talked a bit about my Methadone treatment and offered some friendly advice. Id like to take a minute to respond to their comment.

J,
Thank you for the well wishes. I need them, and I appreciate them.

I learned quickly not to find friends in my fellow Methadone patients. I didnt learn from anyone teaching me, I learned because I have half of a brain and once I listened to what a lot of these people were talking about, I completely realized there were no friends to be found there. It does sound a bit ruthless, but sometimes the truth hurts and it does not take a genius to figure out where these people are. Dont get me wrong, I am certainly not saying I am any better than any of them…because I am NO better than any of them. I just know me and I have to focus on MY goals and MY treatment and MY recovery. Call me selfish, but I have to be.

I do a lot of things now, that I didnt do before when I was on dope. Most of it having everything to do with getting and doing things for myself with money that I just couldnt get and do when I was using Heroin on a daily basis. I have always loved to read and I am finding myself spending an amazing amount of money on books at the used book store. I love it.

There are a lot of people who do not get off of Methadone for a very very long time. I dont know what their goals were when starting Methadone, but I cannot judge them…I dont know their stories. Like I said up there, I cannot focus on anyone but me.

Im already higher than 40mg. 40mg did not even get rid of withdrawal symptoms for me. I have a dose that I refuse to go higher than, and I have an estimated time I would prefer to stay on the program and an estimated time for when I would prefer to start tapering down and eventually get off.

Once I am off, I have no interest in getting a Bupe prescription. Once I am finished, I would prefer to be finished for good. If I find that its too hard, well, I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I am living moment to moment, and for the first time in a very very long time, I can genuinely say that I am happy.

Thank you again, J! Send positive vibes my way. All these positive vibes people are sending really are working for me.

Anyhow….
I figured I would write a quick treatment update too…but I think my words to J may have covered it. Every thing is going really, really well. Im still experiencing some symptoms with the Methadone and I am not up to my stable dose yet, but will be by the end of this week and from there I will ride it out until I feel im ready to stop.

I have to talk about this for a minute.
There has been a REAL problem in my household for the past 4 or 5 days or so. Soda, apparently, is not flushing the toilet correctly. I noticed this problem about 4 days ago I guess because at least once a day when I would go take a piss, the toilet would not flush and it would almost back up. So, I get out the plunger and I start plunging my happy ass off with my panties around my ankles and what happens?

**WARNING**
Before I continue, I felt the need to post a disclaimer. If you think that normal bodily functions and normal human behaviors are sick and should be kept private, then do not continue reading. Ok, ok, if SHIT, POOP, HUMAN FECES offends you..then DO NOT READ THIS SHIT…uh..no pun intended.

….So, have you guessed what happens yet? Well, ill tell you. Shit and tons, and tons of toilet paper comes up. Not my shit. Not my toilet paper. No. Not mine. Sodas.
This confused me at first for one main reason…
I thought that Soda didnt use enough toilet paper to wipe his ass. In fact, this was something I always bitched about…but he always vehemently denied. I guess he was right. He most certainly DOES wipe his ass thoroughly, so thoroughly that every time he shits, he stops up the toilet and doesnt say a damn thing to me about it so that when I go in there to piss…the toilet will damn near overflow and ill my ankle deep in shit stew.

I dont know WHY all of the sudden hes stopping the toilet up. I know he is not doing it on purpose. But, I also know that once hes figured out hes stopped the toilet up, he is just not saying anything about it to me so that when I go in there to piss, I wont be able to flush and I will think that I AM THE ONE who stopped it up. Thus relieving him of all the pressure. This dont fool me, though. This has happened at least once everyday this week. When I caught on to what was happening, that Soda obviously was not courtesy flushing, I confronted him about it and told him he needs to start courtesy flushing because every time I go piss I end up having to plunge his turds and massive amounts of toilet paper out of the toilet so that the toilet will flush the next time one of us uses it.
He had never even HEARD of courtesy flushing. I told him to flush during the turd coming out, then once after its come out, then after he wipes. So thats three flushes. I told him to flush three times when he shits.

So, when I went to the bathroom around mid-day today I was fully expecting to be able to sit and enjoy my tinkle, flush, wash my hands, and walk out of the bathroom feeling like a new woman. So much for wishful thinking. When I flushed and I saw those turd remnants and pieces of toilet paper floating around in my urine…I tried to convince myself that maybe I had pooped without knowing it because if I faced the fact that Soda had ONCE AGAIN stopped the fucking toilet up…I was going to punch a hole in the wall.

I know most of you are thinking “why didnt you just get him to plunge it?” Well, I will answer that.
He makes a huge fucking mess when he plunges because he doesnt do it properly. He basically just stirs his shit stew. He doesnt plunge, he makes dinner (yuck!). So I do it.

So, anyway, I went storming, stomping into the living room screaming “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR SHIT???? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR SHIT???” And he looks at me puzzled and I say: “I know you fully realize you are stopping up the toilet, how is this happening? Are you not flushing like I told you to?” He tells me that hes scared to flush now because hes scared its going to overflow.
I said: “Listen, next time you shit, you get in there and you flush while youre shitting like flushings going out of style. You flush before you shit, you flush while youre shitting, you flush when that first turd hits the water, and you flush before every other turd hits the water and after. I dont care if you drop 18 turds you flush during and after each one, and you flush after each wipe. FLUSH, FLUSH, FLUSH. I am SICK of going to take a piss only to find out youve SHIT in the toilet and stopped it up again!!!!” Then I ran to the bathroom and grabbed the wet plunger (it was wet from me washing it off…not from the icky stew hahaahah but he didnt know that) and started to wave it around him, he screamed like a little girl and hid himself under the covers.

Thats what I thought. Next time, it will REALLY be turd water. I think its time he got acquainted with some turd water. Hell, I know I have over the last week. If he stops that damn toilet up one more time its HIS TURN.

If I notice him in the bathroom shitting, im going to start banging on the door screaming “FLUSH! FLUSH! FLUSH!” when he least expects it lmao. Just thinking about scaring him by doing that cracks me up. Im serious though. I would record it too if I didnt think that was a serious invasion of privacy.

Ill keep you guys updated on this shitty situation xD.

Theres a new Dear Abbie.

Dear Abbie,
My boyfriend stops up the toilet every time he has a bowel movement and doesnt tell me about it in hopes that I will think I did it when I go to tinkle and the toilet doesnt flush. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Leslie.

It seems like I have nothing to blog about, but theres actually so much to blog about that I cant even begin to fathom how to put it into words and create some type of legible piece of writing. So, I wont. I wont go into detail about my life recently…I dont feel I owe some long drawn out story. Ill just pick up, not where I left off…but where I am now. Thats what I feel like doing.

Picking up, not where I left off…but where I am right now. That makes me wish that life was like the internet. For a lot of people life is the internet or the internet is their life or some huge part of it, I dont know where I am on that. The internet certainly takes up a lot of my time but would I call it a part of my life? I dont think so. Would I miss it if it were gone? Hmm..I would probably find something else to do. The instant easy access to information would be missed, but thats what books are for.

My life has been nothing short of chaotic, just a big mess. Its getting better though, because, like this blog entry..I am picking up where I am now, not where I left off.

Yeah. I really havent had much to blog about. My laptop is fucked up and that really just…got me out of the mood of blogging you know. I do have that other laptop but…ugh. I dont even know what the fuckin problem is there. Actually I do, the battery is dead. And, I never use that laptop so buying another battery would be a total waste of money. So… ENCEEWAYZ..(lol wtf).

My trip to New Orleans has completely snuck up on me! We are so, so super excited to be going there.  We are leaving on Saturday, the 8th. We are gonna hang out in Memphis some. Of course im super stressed about money and mainly..not having enough so..I dunno. But, I think we will have a great time.

I bought a Polaroid Impulse on Ebay the other day when I heard that Polaroid had stopped making instant cameras. This camera is from 1988 and let me tell you, I could NOT be more in love with a camera that isnt my digicam. The film is expensive so that sucks, but the pictures are beautiful. So of course I went on one of my stupid shopping sprees and bought like three packs of film, and this cool mini backpack thing to put the cam, the film, and the two cute photo albums I bought for the pics in there.

I also bought faux leather seat covers for my car and tomorrow Soda and I are gonna do some hardcore cleaning out of that car..gotta have it ready for the trip. Its pretty sick right now but its gonna be beautiful when we get finished. Ill take pics of course

Thats about it for now. Sucks I wont be able to blog from New Orleans..actually…I wish I could figure out how to like..blog from my blackberry and send pics straight to my site via my blackberry. Maybe Marie could help me…PLEASE OH PRETTY PLEASE MARIE!!  If you can…IM me and if im not around then email me at lesterluigi@att.blackberry.net.

Bye bye!

Im thinking about opening up my domain for hosting. Id just host like ..4 or 5 people. Id have to  OK it through Kelley first because she owns all the space…there are really only two people right now that I think deserve to be hosted here..and thats my friend Sarah and this chick I kinda know named Glynnis but..she blogs and her blogs are pretty good (she blogs on Myspace and we all know how I feel about Myspace). I *think* shes interested in modeling so…having your own domain to keep a portfolio of your work is never ever a bad idea. I offered it to her…lmfao..id be so excited to have hostees because..IM A DORK LIKE THAT.

Well, my birthday is in about 2 and a half days. Its on Thursday. I will be 21. Getting older is both something I enjoy and something I loathe. With each year I know that sooner than later, im going to have to really do something with my life. I guess, its not that im not doing anything with my life right now..I have a great job, a nice place to live and nice things but, my mom still helps me out A LOT. I hate burdening her. Im sure its not a real burden because I know for a fact she LOVES providing for me. She always has..but its a burden for me to feel as if I am burdening her. I often wonder if shes disappointed in me.  Ive had some major ups and downs in my life and even though I am finally ok I still have a lot of hang ups, and thankfully my mom really understands me. Shes understood me from day one and I truly believe that she believes that any progress is progress. Me being happy on a day to day basis is probably the biggest change that everyone in my life  has seen in me here recently. My mom knows that its hard for me to be “ok” and “content” and most of all “happy.” Im not using this as an excuse to be a piece of shit in life (I try real hard not to be a piece of shit in life) but, I think it has made the fact that her daughter is different a lot easier to handle and deal with.

So. Yep. I will be 21 in a few days. Twenty one years of existing. Three years ago I would have never believed that I would still be around to see 21 and now..I dont understand how I ever could have thought that hahaha. How can anyone not want to stick around to see what life throws at em? I dunno.

Well..im going to leave you guys with shots of my GORGEOUS new notebook and one picture of some dinner I made the other night (yeah..its an occasion when I make a GOOD dinner).

And the great dinner I made..the recipe was from Kelleys boyfriend, Paul and  I altered it a bit..but it was delish.

Nachos!!! Best Nachos I ever had too.

yall keep it real. lol.

So..I added my Stickam to my right side bar..see over there? Now you can watch me sit around and be bored while you sit around be bored!! Cool huh?

You can watch me..while you read my blogs. But, it would be of your best interests not to expect anything even mildly interesting. : /

So…me and Soda are actually gonna go see a movie. I should point out, that this will be the first movie weve ever seen in a theatre in three years of being together. Weird, eh? We just dont go see movies a lot. Im not sure why :/ Maybe because im not really a movie type person..but I do wanna see Pirates 3. Lol. I still havent seen it. Weve got two pairs of free movie tickets ive had since Christmas of last year..so..may as well use em now right? Were gonna go se 1408. I hope it doesnt suck..not that it really even matters since the tickets are free.

Anyway..we should get goin..ill let you guys know how it is later.

Ok..not really..but kind of.

Im SO out of shape its not even really a laughing matter. I think that most people assume if youre thin, then youre in shape. But, thats not the case. Just because you are thin doesnt mean you are the picture of health, and just because youre over weight doesnt mean you are the picture of unhealth. Most people really dont think about this or pay attention to it.

Anyways, ive had these weird heart flutters for a long time and they used to only happen every once in a while…I mean once in 5 blue moons. Lately ive noticed them getting more and more frequent and more and more noticeable and really, downright fucking scary. So ive gotta focus once again on getting my vitamins and doing SOMETHING physical. I get little to no exercise other than walking a bit downtown for my job.
Soda is always on my ass about it. Ive got a shitty diet, shitty health regime, and no exercise whatso ever. I think he is really worried about my health…
A couple weeks ago I was like “Yeah..I guess we could start walking every night..in the night time so that its not so hot out..” and he really seemed to think it was a cool idea. He exercises everyday, he rides his bike, walks, skateboards..so he works off all the fatty energies we collect by eating  crappy junkfood, but I dont. So all of the chemicals and nasty toxins are just sitting around in my body not getting sweated out, etc.

So..seriously…ive gotta do SOMETHING. I cant strain myself at first because im coming from nowhere. But, tonight forward..every night..I will walk around the neighborhood with Soda. He loves the idea and im glad hes being supportive. Were gonna walk some when he gets home from a friends which should be in about…5 minutes.

Wish me luck. Lol.

A good idea from Jenn.nu

Three pens (I love pens), a highlighter, a fat permanent marker (in case I see anything I need to vandalize), a bic mock zippo lighter case for bic mini’s, an owl that has a secret stash spot inside (thanks kelley), my BLACKBERRY!, a blue bic mini, a black bic, aloe vera lip balm, strawberry lip gloss, and my beautiful hemp wallet!