To most people, nintey one dollars is nothing…but today..I have NINETY ONE DOLLARS!! Im thinking about buying a used Sega Dreamcast..I just dont know….ohhhhh the decisions!!!!

Today I entered myself into treatment. Replacement therapy treatment, which means Methadone. I am not in the least bit ashamed of this…shit, I wasnt ashamed of being a Heroin addict. Im doing it, so why be ashamed?

Anyhow. Today was the best day ive had in a very very long time. It was the first day in what seems like forever that I have not worried about where im gonna get the money to get my dope. It was the first day I rode my bike down to my moms pool, went swimming for two hours, got out, went to the store, bought two new bathing suites, some new jellies (remember those shoes??? I got some!! ahaha old school fresh stylee!!!), then I went to the bookstore and bought a trillion books on tarot. I am starting to study tarot again.

I used to read tarot when I was really too young to comprehend the meaning and potency behind symbolism, but now, I do. I do because of my own life experiences. I want a hobby that interests me so I decided to take up tarot reading again because not only will it allow me to gain insight into my own life, but others too/

For those of you who dont know…
I was busted in perhaps “the biggest heroin sting in Nashville history” on Tuesday. Yeah, you cant even begin to fathom how much that fuckin sucks. Anyway..im not SUPERBLY worried about it because there were no drugs of any kind found on our persons, in our belongings, or in our car. However, they did find Marijuana Paraphanalia. Marijuana. I could go on some long fucking rant about how much the cops suck…but I think even non criminals know how much police suck. Now, with that said….

Dont tell me you told me so because I didnt get caught with SHIT. No drugs on me, my person, in my belongings or my car..nada, zip, zero, nothing. Leslie..gone be…aight. Check my FLICKR for my mugshot yall.

Im having an insanely hard time waking up this morning.
Here is a piece of chipper convo between Kelley and I.

Me:did you ever feel your poots?
Kelley:lmao feel my poots?
Me: yeah
Me: like…
Me: feel that they were war
Me: m
Kelley: oh yes lmao
Kelley: lmfao
Kelley :i was going to be real confused if that m didn’t show up
Kelley: feel they were war?! WAR POOTS?!
Kelley :lmao
Me: HAHAHAHAH
Me: ive got some war poots this morning
Me: lmfaooo
Me: if yo dont believe such a thing existswell
Me: you should have heard it
Me: sounded like fallujah in here
Kelley: lmfaoooo

If GOD assembled a rock band…who would be in it? Who would sing, who would play guitar, bass, and drums? Think about it..this is GOD creating a rock band…now..

Ok..here we go…

Jeff Buckley on Vocals
Either, Jimi Hendrix or John Frusciante on guitar..Jimi leading..definately..
John Bonham on Drums
And….Pnut on Bass.

Bitch, if I could PHYSICALLY spit in your face, I would. But…ill have to settle for this..

HAHAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH.

That im losing myself in a white trash hell.

“Walking down the streets at night
I see her stumbling through the rain
A skinny figure in the dark
Her face a shade of grey

Begging here and barking there
She’s swearing all the time
Her fingers fumbling with her hair
A dirty mess of grime

And she starts to cry and she’s asking why
Her life’s always the same
But she does not see, that unfortunately
There’s no one here to blame

“Heroin” she said, “was the best I had…
No more mountains left to climb.
The world so slow… all my dreams just too high
To be fulfilled in time…!

She grabs my arm… and I feel alarmed
Her fingers gripping tight
I see her pleading eyes… so I start to disguise
And say, that everything’s alright…

And the reason why I pretended and lied
Is that I don’t want to kill
The poor dream that’s left in the deepest cleft
Of the thing that she calls will…!

“Heroin” she said, “was the best I had…
No more mountains left to climb.
The world so slow… all my dreams just too high
To be fulfilled in time…!”

Another song I love:

Hey see you know what I, I know what I dont
You promise you promise and I know you won’t
The problems and pressures we face everyday
Are sometimes more like but always on display
It breaks in your ears it aches in your bones and brings you to tears
With various incisions you load another bullet
Your shootin’ with precision

I’m talented with atrophy yea i do it well
you know I’d like to take a break from suffering in hell
Squattin’ is the excuse is I frequently abuse
Either way I hold the chain im gonna need a noose cause PAIN!!!!!!!!
Sweats on my skin, sick with bad memories and burns for my sin PAIN!!!!!!!
To talk with each breath
The only solution is the sweet taste of death!

Don’t mistake the demeanor
My kindness and weakness
I’ll burn you with reality
While you cry to your Jesus
You’re suffocating in two
You’re choking in an empty room
You’re empty life thats ending soon
Completely spells your doom

I made a choice deep inside
heroin or suicide?
sickness praised in times of need
we waste away from hands of greed
Jesus nailed to wooded T’s
cannot compete with my disease
humanity the weak condition my soul is sick from my decision

PAIN!!! The badness increases
The goodness wants to cry while we are cut to pieces
PAIN!!! Precious death
Paralysed with apathy thats all thats fucking left!
PAIN!!!

It seems like I have nothing to blog about, but theres actually so much to blog about that I cant even begin to fathom how to put it into words and create some type of legible piece of writing. So, I wont. I wont go into detail about my life recently…I dont feel I owe some long drawn out story. Ill just pick up, not where I left off…but where I am now. Thats what I feel like doing.

Picking up, not where I left off…but where I am right now. That makes me wish that life was like the internet. For a lot of people life is the internet or the internet is their life or some huge part of it, I dont know where I am on that. The internet certainly takes up a lot of my time but would I call it a part of my life? I dont think so. Would I miss it if it were gone? Hmm..I would probably find something else to do. The instant easy access to information would be missed, but thats what books are for.

My life has been nothing short of chaotic, just a big mess. Its getting better though, because, like this blog entry..I am picking up where I am now, not where I left off.

SO NOW LITTLE MAN, YOU’VE GROWN TIRED OF GRASS
LSD, ECSTASY, COCAINE AND HASH.
AND SOMEONE PRETENDING TO BE A TRUE FRIEND…..
SAID “I’LL INTRODUCE YOU TO MISS HEROIN”.
WELL HONEY BEFORE YOU START MESSING WITH ME
JUST LET ME INFORM YOU OF HOW IT WILL BE
FOR I WILL SEDUCE YOU AND MAKE YOU MY SLAVE.
I’VE SENT MEN MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU TO THEIR GRAVES.
YOU THINK YOU COULD NEVER BECOME A DISGRACE
AND END UP ADDICTED TO POPPY SEED WASTE.
SO YOU’LL START INHALING ME ONE AFTERNOON,
YOU’LL TAKE ME INTO YOUR ARM VERY SOON.
AND ONCE I HAVE ENTERED DEEP DOWN IN YOUR VEINS
THE CRAVING WILL NEARLY DRIVE YOU INSANE.
YOU’LL NEED LOTS OF MONEY (AS YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD)
FOR DARLING, I’M MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE THAN GOLD.
YOU’LL SWINDLE YOUR MOTHER, AND JUST FOR A BUCK
YOU’LL TURN INTO SOMETHING VILE AND CORRUPT.
YOU’LL MUG AND YOU’LL STEAL FOR MY NARCOTIC CHARM
AND THEN FEEL CONTENTMENT WHEN I’M BACK IN YOUR ARM.
THE DAY WHEN YOU REALIZE THE MONSTER YOU’VE GROWN,
YOU’LL SOLEMNLY PROMISE TO LEAVE ME ALONE
IF YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT THE MYSTICAL KNACK,
THEN SWEETIE, JUST TRY GETTING ME OFF YOUR BACK.
THE VOMIT, THE CRAMPS, YOUR GUT TIED IN KNOTS,
THE JANGLING NERVES SCREAMING FOR JUST ONE MORE SHOT.
THE CHILLS AND COLD SWEAT, THE WITHDRAWAL PAINS
CAN ONLY BE SAVED BY MY LITTLE WHITE GRAINS.
THERE’S NO OTHER WAY, AND THERE’S NO NEED TO LOOK,
FOR DEEP DOWN INSIDE, YOU WILL KNOW YOU ARE HOOKED.
YOU DESPERATELY RUN TO THE PUSHER AND THEN…
YOU’LL WELCOME ME BACK TO YOUR ARM ONCE AGAIN.
AND WHEN YOU RETURN (JUST AS I FORETOLD)
I KNOW YOU WILL GIVE ME YOUR BODY AND SOUL.
YOU’LL GIVE ME YOUR MORALS, YOUR CONSCIENCE, YOUR HEART,
AND YOU WILL BE MINE….UNTIL DEATH DO US PART.

^_^

Friend: okay will do..lol. I like those lip rings too ….lovely lmao… see my luck I would end up queefing during a clit piercing lmao
me: L MFAO